ah yes, the end of december.
i'm back at home after spending time with family and friends, and as the peacefulness and joy of the season has settled, i (like everyone, ever) inevitably turn toward the future. setting "resolutions," looking forward to events coming up, etc.
i also look back. a certain special someone toasted me on new year's eve last year: "to 2012, the best year yet." (little did i know that he had some plans to make this the best year yet, but that's beside the point.) i jumped at the chance and toasted, heartily, to 2012, the best year yet - caught up in the happy moment, laughing headlong into that conviction without a doubt. and you know what? it was amazing.
for the past three years i've operated under the principle that what you do for the first 30 days of the year shapes that whole year. for me, that's been a focus on choreography and creating something every day.
that has given me a lot of drive and a LOT of wonderful raw material to draw from in my work. i always learn something about myself, about my choices and habits, and about what keeps me going creatively. but i've also been learning something else, with even farther-reaching consequences: the power of conscious thought.
what we focus on will come to be. we've all heard this in a million different ways, seen it in compelling square digital graphics, heard it in inspiring speeches. i think you can't really know about that until you give it a chance - a real, fighting chance. example? i decided to consciously focus on gratitude in 2012, and now, looking back, all i can tangibly remember is the incredible abundance in my life - in friends, in family, in love, in adventures, even in accomplishments. really.
so what to focus on for 2013? i haven't worked out the specifics. but 2013 is going to be about being BIG. in an effort to be modest, to find a dancer aesthetic, to be polite, i've become aware that i've also been continuously trying to make myself smaller and less "in the way." well, let's be real. i'm not one of those ladies whose beauty is in demureness or exquisite daintyness or in a quiet, serene beauty. my life is kind of loud and messy and wonderfully joyful, and i'm kind of weird and wonky and silly, and i have decided that none of those things keep me from being "beautiful" and powerful and living an incredible life.
as i sit back on the late december days of 2013, i can't wait to remember all the big, enormous, wonderful things that will fill my year.
December 27, 2012
September 21, 2012
a lotta life to draw from
there have been several adults in my life - college professors, friends of my parents, even members of my family - who were still so young (say, 40 or 50) and had done what seemed like an impossible number of different things in their lives. i was always struck by how seamlessly they could fit all that into a cohesive life, and how they showed up in my own life, able to relate to me while still having lived so many different lives. so many things had happened to them! they had done so many varied and interesting things! so many jobs, relationships, experiences, places...i always wished i could look back in 20 or 30 years and say the same.
i am 26 and i'm in the middle of packing up my apartment. this is something i have done, of course, several times - when my parents moved us to a new house in traverse city, when i was preparing to move into a college dorm, when i moved to downtown chicago, moved to brooklyn, moved to manhattan.
packing is always a little emotional and definitely nostalgic, and even though i've only been in this apartment for six months, i still find surprising things.
one of my favorite mugs, a nicely-shaped white one from the Industrial Engineering Department at the McCormick School of Engineering at Northwestern University, now stained from my habitual coffee-drinking with little brown rings on the inside.
the woven blanket with trains and cars (!) all over it that a still-unknown guardian angel wrapped around me on a dark rainy night in november of last year when i'd been hit by a car and was trying not to lose consciousness on the median.
a ceramic quaker oats cookie jar, a goodbye gift from the supply chain data team i worked with at pepsico.
books on the history of modern dance, discrete event simulation, and organizational psychology.
a photocopied contract with Links Hall for You Can't Dance Out the Side of Your Mouth.
etc, etc... many more with backstories too long for this post.
i don't think of my life path as being particularly varied, but i've come to realize that, actually, life is pretty fantastic and everyone has this amazing set of endlessly interesting circumstances and interactions, jobs and relationships, apartments, cars, and crazy coincidences. i'm only four years out of college and already my life has taken a vastly different direction than so many of my closest friends' lives. i'm only 26 and my life has already been surprisingly varied. sometimes it takes going through weird things crammed into the corners of your little apartment to realize just how varied it is.
and to tie it back to my creative life... all of this comes out, of course, in one's art - and definitely in my own choreography. how inspiring that without even really seeking it out, life hurls at you all these interesting things to express and remember and feel! how inspiring that every single artist-- every single person-- has that unique set of silly, poignant, tragic, interesting moments! who knows who i might run into in 20 years that might find this life astounding? and what a wonderful responsibility it is to live fully through all of those moments, because hey, no one else is going to have the chance.
i am 26 and i'm in the middle of packing up my apartment. this is something i have done, of course, several times - when my parents moved us to a new house in traverse city, when i was preparing to move into a college dorm, when i moved to downtown chicago, moved to brooklyn, moved to manhattan.
packing is always a little emotional and definitely nostalgic, and even though i've only been in this apartment for six months, i still find surprising things.
one of my favorite mugs, a nicely-shaped white one from the Industrial Engineering Department at the McCormick School of Engineering at Northwestern University, now stained from my habitual coffee-drinking with little brown rings on the inside.
the woven blanket with trains and cars (!) all over it that a still-unknown guardian angel wrapped around me on a dark rainy night in november of last year when i'd been hit by a car and was trying not to lose consciousness on the median.
a ceramic quaker oats cookie jar, a goodbye gift from the supply chain data team i worked with at pepsico.
books on the history of modern dance, discrete event simulation, and organizational psychology.
a photocopied contract with Links Hall for You Can't Dance Out the Side of Your Mouth.
etc, etc... many more with backstories too long for this post.
i don't think of my life path as being particularly varied, but i've come to realize that, actually, life is pretty fantastic and everyone has this amazing set of endlessly interesting circumstances and interactions, jobs and relationships, apartments, cars, and crazy coincidences. i'm only four years out of college and already my life has taken a vastly different direction than so many of my closest friends' lives. i'm only 26 and my life has already been surprisingly varied. sometimes it takes going through weird things crammed into the corners of your little apartment to realize just how varied it is.
and to tie it back to my creative life... all of this comes out, of course, in one's art - and definitely in my own choreography. how inspiring that without even really seeking it out, life hurls at you all these interesting things to express and remember and feel! how inspiring that every single artist-- every single person-- has that unique set of silly, poignant, tragic, interesting moments! who knows who i might run into in 20 years that might find this life astounding? and what a wonderful responsibility it is to live fully through all of those moments, because hey, no one else is going to have the chance.
August 28, 2012
movement /= body image. (or, my yoga practice is not sexy.)
i read a blog post yesterday about the body image and yoga. it's a well-thought-out plea to the yoga community to take responsibility for the "yoga goddess" image as an ideal fed to the yoga-practicing masses in a similar way that over-sexualized clothing and behavior is fed to adolescent girls. i see the point. i guess what causes me to write is that my experience of yoga has been so different than the pressure-filled experience portrayed in this article.
i understand that yoga is about putting one's body into different postures and through different movements. the focus is on your own practice and how your body feels and responds from one day to the next. your fullest expression of a pose on monday may be very different than thursday's fullest expression. what my yoga practice has taught me most of all is how rewarding it is to have patience with my body and myself and to enjoy the practice TODAY. maybe something new is available today. maybe i can't go as deeply into this pose today, but i can actually learn from a tightness and find a clearer alignment here today.
i'm not shoved in front of a wall of mirrors during my yoga practice. i'm not asked to perform trikonasana alongside other women in order to judge who does it the best. my ability to get a job, to have a strong performance, to be "good" is in no way dependent on my weight, my strength, my flexibility, or a shape my body can make. my presence is the only important thing, and i am entirely responsible for that in a way that i am not responsible for, say, my height.
i also don't see yoga as a workout. it is a strengthening practice, it increases my flexibility, and i mean yeah, i sweat a lot. but the benefit of a yoga class is the experience of the physical practice, not about TORCHING CALORIES or getting sexy and bendy. i love a great heart-pounding workout, too, don't get me wrong. but it's just different.
yes, i wear tight clothing to yoga. i do wear a lot of lululemon. this actually is more about the functionality of the clothing for what i'm doing and the reduction of distractions than it is about presenting a certain aesthetic. if large t-shirts didn't fall over my face during practice, if i didn't have to adjust comfy baggy sweatpants every time i lunged, if cotton didn't bag out and make me sweatier, i would happily wear any old thing to yoga. additionally, i wear what i wear because i am in a privileged position to be able to wear "high-end" athletic clothing, and i take advantage of that because i like it for how it feels and how it doesn't distract me. it's not about how i look. i am aware that it is most definitely a luxury and a privilege, and i am extremely grateful. it does not define my yoga practice. it does not define yoga. (and beyond that, is lululemon more provocative than, say, speedo? they both make super-tight, technical clothing for athletic use. i know that's a broad comparison, and my point is just that wearing clothing that doesn't alter the shape of a body is not an inherently harmful thing.)
yoga is the same practice whether i am happy, peaceful, depressed, or struggling with a change-filled part of my life. it is always a focus on the present moment and leaning into whatever physical or emotional state i am in, be it tight hips or career anxiety. in fact, using the physical body as a metaphor helps me bring more space and peace into my outside life mentally/emotionally. i can be having a really crappy day and yoga doesn't fix anything. yoga can, however, encourage me to choose to stop running away from the crappyness, just as i choose to not jump out of hanumanasana, even though i usually want to. that's an important distinction.
perhaps my relationship with yoga and with my yoga practice is personally positive because it occurs in contrast to how i relate to my dancing - or more specifically, to how i have related to my dancing from my childhood through to my adulthood. maybe that's more of a reflection on my body-image-dance-relationship than it is on yoga. i feel very strongly, though, that the caring, knowledgeable, wonderful women who are my yoga instructors and friends paint a beautiful picture of real diverse women who share a physical practice. they have taken on a responsibility called for in the above article. i have much gratitude and love for the teachers in my life.
just because something is about body consciousness doesn't mean it has to be about body self-consciousness or body image. my yoga practice is not about how hot i am, how good my butt looks in leggings, how spiritually pure and happy i am, or how strong or balanced i am. my yoga practice is about patience, discovery, and enjoying each delicious present moment.
i understand that yoga is about putting one's body into different postures and through different movements. the focus is on your own practice and how your body feels and responds from one day to the next. your fullest expression of a pose on monday may be very different than thursday's fullest expression. what my yoga practice has taught me most of all is how rewarding it is to have patience with my body and myself and to enjoy the practice TODAY. maybe something new is available today. maybe i can't go as deeply into this pose today, but i can actually learn from a tightness and find a clearer alignment here today.
i'm not shoved in front of a wall of mirrors during my yoga practice. i'm not asked to perform trikonasana alongside other women in order to judge who does it the best. my ability to get a job, to have a strong performance, to be "good" is in no way dependent on my weight, my strength, my flexibility, or a shape my body can make. my presence is the only important thing, and i am entirely responsible for that in a way that i am not responsible for, say, my height.
i also don't see yoga as a workout. it is a strengthening practice, it increases my flexibility, and i mean yeah, i sweat a lot. but the benefit of a yoga class is the experience of the physical practice, not about TORCHING CALORIES or getting sexy and bendy. i love a great heart-pounding workout, too, don't get me wrong. but it's just different.
yes, i wear tight clothing to yoga. i do wear a lot of lululemon. this actually is more about the functionality of the clothing for what i'm doing and the reduction of distractions than it is about presenting a certain aesthetic. if large t-shirts didn't fall over my face during practice, if i didn't have to adjust comfy baggy sweatpants every time i lunged, if cotton didn't bag out and make me sweatier, i would happily wear any old thing to yoga. additionally, i wear what i wear because i am in a privileged position to be able to wear "high-end" athletic clothing, and i take advantage of that because i like it for how it feels and how it doesn't distract me. it's not about how i look. i am aware that it is most definitely a luxury and a privilege, and i am extremely grateful. it does not define my yoga practice. it does not define yoga. (and beyond that, is lululemon more provocative than, say, speedo? they both make super-tight, technical clothing for athletic use. i know that's a broad comparison, and my point is just that wearing clothing that doesn't alter the shape of a body is not an inherently harmful thing.)
yoga is the same practice whether i am happy, peaceful, depressed, or struggling with a change-filled part of my life. it is always a focus on the present moment and leaning into whatever physical or emotional state i am in, be it tight hips or career anxiety. in fact, using the physical body as a metaphor helps me bring more space and peace into my outside life mentally/emotionally. i can be having a really crappy day and yoga doesn't fix anything. yoga can, however, encourage me to choose to stop running away from the crappyness, just as i choose to not jump out of hanumanasana, even though i usually want to. that's an important distinction.
perhaps my relationship with yoga and with my yoga practice is personally positive because it occurs in contrast to how i relate to my dancing - or more specifically, to how i have related to my dancing from my childhood through to my adulthood. maybe that's more of a reflection on my body-image-dance-relationship than it is on yoga. i feel very strongly, though, that the caring, knowledgeable, wonderful women who are my yoga instructors and friends paint a beautiful picture of real diverse women who share a physical practice. they have taken on a responsibility called for in the above article. i have much gratitude and love for the teachers in my life.
just because something is about body consciousness doesn't mean it has to be about body self-consciousness or body image. my yoga practice is not about how hot i am, how good my butt looks in leggings, how spiritually pure and happy i am, or how strong or balanced i am. my yoga practice is about patience, discovery, and enjoying each delicious present moment.
August 7, 2012
setting goals
i work for a company that focuses a lot of attention on goal-setting. i was, as you can imagine, rather skeptical of this. i've been a hard worker and a reasonably high achiever most of my young life, and i thought i was doing just fine without writing down some goals, thank you very much.
rewind three years. i was working 80 hours, seven days a week for most of the summer. (once i had a sunday off. i cried with relief while i walked to the Lincoln Park farmer's market. and then i cried more that afternoon because i was so stressed i was too checked out. sick, but i know you know what i mean.) at some point during august 2009, i wrote out a few lines on a piece of notebook paper and stuck it in a journal. and it turns out, those were my first written goals. (i told this story last year.)
this goal-setting thing has become an incredibly rewarding process for me. i just rewrote my goals again, today. i got to cross off a few (hosting a get-together in my apartment in nyc? check. running a half marathon? almost check! presenting an evening-length dance work to over 300 people in new york city? CHECK. talk about jolt of confidence!) the editing process is enlightening - it's a chance to sit back and celebrate what i have accomplished, notice where i have fallen short, and find out how my priorities have shifted since those goals were written. it's interesting - the core 10-years-from-now-i-want-this things have stayed the same in the past two years since i've been writing and rewriting my goals, but the little things change all the time. (100 mile bike ride lost out to running a half marathon, as pointed out by an ever-inspiring pal. freestanding handstand disappeared, presenting work in new york happened a year and a half before my goal deadline. having children backed up a couple years...haha.)
and i'd like to share a few of my current goals. gotta put them out in the universe, you know?
i present brand new work in a dance festival by december 2012.
i choreograph a musical in new york by july 2013.
i pay off credit card debt by october 2013.
i raise a puppy by july 2014.
phew. readysetgo.
rewind three years. i was working 80 hours, seven days a week for most of the summer. (once i had a sunday off. i cried with relief while i walked to the Lincoln Park farmer's market. and then i cried more that afternoon because i was so stressed i was too checked out. sick, but i know you know what i mean.) at some point during august 2009, i wrote out a few lines on a piece of notebook paper and stuck it in a journal. and it turns out, those were my first written goals. (i told this story last year.)
this goal-setting thing has become an incredibly rewarding process for me. i just rewrote my goals again, today. i got to cross off a few (hosting a get-together in my apartment in nyc? check. running a half marathon? almost check! presenting an evening-length dance work to over 300 people in new york city? CHECK. talk about jolt of confidence!) the editing process is enlightening - it's a chance to sit back and celebrate what i have accomplished, notice where i have fallen short, and find out how my priorities have shifted since those goals were written. it's interesting - the core 10-years-from-now-i-want-this things have stayed the same in the past two years since i've been writing and rewriting my goals, but the little things change all the time. (100 mile bike ride lost out to running a half marathon, as pointed out by an ever-inspiring pal. freestanding handstand disappeared, presenting work in new york happened a year and a half before my goal deadline. having children backed up a couple years...haha.)
and i'd like to share a few of my current goals. gotta put them out in the universe, you know?
i present brand new work in a dance festival by december 2012.
i choreograph a musical in new york by july 2013.
i pay off credit card debt by october 2013.
i raise a puppy by july 2014.
phew. readysetgo.
July 1, 2012
finding joy in the process
i have been asked many times in the last month about my show and "how it went."
my initial reaction is a thank you and a little smiley response about how happy i was about the whole experience - all very true. my second reaction is HOW CAN I PUT THAT KIND OF CREATIVE PROCESS INTO NEATLY PACKAGED WORDS FOR YOU?! i usually mention how it was an incredible amount of effort and work and how it was over in practically the blink of an eye. also true! and how incredibly grateful i am for all the love and support in the room. so true.
it's the end of june. in the past two months, i have had the amazing emotional high of the show, and the realization that i presented my own choreographic work for a couple hundred people in new york city. i've had the low of three rejected choreography submissions, one failed grant, and have let a couple of deadlines slip by. in each of these - varied in their "i poured my soul into this" quality, from i-threw-this-together to this-is-the-largest-undertaking-of-my-life - i have a new sense of taking it in, breathing in the moment of joy (or elation, disappointment, bitterness, letdown, pride), letting it come in, then looking up to see what's next.
there's a sort of satisfaction and joy in this "that was perfect, and now what?" approach to my creative life. i think it's part of the maturing process as an artist. first, your art is everything, and as you hone your craft and your work gets closer to the work of your soul, you actually treat it more like minor works in the ongoing project that is your artistry - from first piece to last piece. how this "piece" goes doesn't really matter - the fact that you do it is the only necessary part. on to the next. checking off each rejection and success on the path of your life's work, step by step.
so what's next for me? not really sure. but there's a little improv i've started working on for something brand new, and i'm craving collaboration. onto the next!
my initial reaction is a thank you and a little smiley response about how happy i was about the whole experience - all very true. my second reaction is HOW CAN I PUT THAT KIND OF CREATIVE PROCESS INTO NEATLY PACKAGED WORDS FOR YOU?! i usually mention how it was an incredible amount of effort and work and how it was over in practically the blink of an eye. also true! and how incredibly grateful i am for all the love and support in the room. so true.
it's the end of june. in the past two months, i have had the amazing emotional high of the show, and the realization that i presented my own choreographic work for a couple hundred people in new york city. i've had the low of three rejected choreography submissions, one failed grant, and have let a couple of deadlines slip by. in each of these - varied in their "i poured my soul into this" quality, from i-threw-this-together to this-is-the-largest-undertaking-of-my-life - i have a new sense of taking it in, breathing in the moment of joy (or elation, disappointment, bitterness, letdown, pride), letting it come in, then looking up to see what's next.
there's a sort of satisfaction and joy in this "that was perfect, and now what?" approach to my creative life. i think it's part of the maturing process as an artist. first, your art is everything, and as you hone your craft and your work gets closer to the work of your soul, you actually treat it more like minor works in the ongoing project that is your artistry - from first piece to last piece. how this "piece" goes doesn't really matter - the fact that you do it is the only necessary part. on to the next. checking off each rejection and success on the path of your life's work, step by step.
so what's next for me? not really sure. but there's a little improv i've started working on for something brand new, and i'm craving collaboration. onto the next!
May 29, 2012
when it rains, it pours. also, it's almost showtime!
well, in 48 hours i have my full-length choreographic debut in new york city.
(that is FOR SURE one of those things that if my 16-year-old self knew would be happening in ten years, she would probably have passed out.)
it's been a journey, for sure, and maybe none more so than the past couple of weeks.
see, there have been lots of distractions. i got a ton of responsibility literally overnight at work (on may 1st). there are roaches in my apartment. i got a new roommate. the air conditioning at lululemon stopped working. dancers dropped out of the show. i don't have any groceries in my house and i don't have much cash in my bank account. and they haven't all been bad - quite the contrary - i got engaged, for goodness' sake.
it just never stops. ever. it's one thing after another, day in and day out, there are always about 82 million things that are calling my attention, issues that need my help, little fires to put out.
the big lesson here, as stated by david bayles and ted orland, is that "the hardest part of artmaking is living your life in such a way that your work gets done, over and over."
my goodness, that is the TRUTH. and i think because the magnitude of what i'm working on artistically is larger, and the stakes significantly higher, that life is throwing me everything it's got. and i calmly thank life for all of the beautiful moments and wonderful challenges and sleepless nights and sweet poignant pangs, and i do my work.
so here we go. 48 hours until the show.
(that is FOR SURE one of those things that if my 16-year-old self knew would be happening in ten years, she would probably have passed out.)
it's been a journey, for sure, and maybe none more so than the past couple of weeks.
see, there have been lots of distractions. i got a ton of responsibility literally overnight at work (on may 1st). there are roaches in my apartment. i got a new roommate. the air conditioning at lululemon stopped working. dancers dropped out of the show. i don't have any groceries in my house and i don't have much cash in my bank account. and they haven't all been bad - quite the contrary - i got engaged, for goodness' sake.
it just never stops. ever. it's one thing after another, day in and day out, there are always about 82 million things that are calling my attention, issues that need my help, little fires to put out.
the big lesson here, as stated by david bayles and ted orland, is that "the hardest part of artmaking is living your life in such a way that your work gets done, over and over."
my goodness, that is the TRUTH. and i think because the magnitude of what i'm working on artistically is larger, and the stakes significantly higher, that life is throwing me everything it's got. and i calmly thank life for all of the beautiful moments and wonderful challenges and sleepless nights and sweet poignant pangs, and i do my work.
so here we go. 48 hours until the show.
May 18, 2012
The Way We Danced 'Til Three - Another trailer!
hi friends!
another trailer.... are you excited yet?
more information at http://jaemajoydance.com/the-way-we-danced-til-three.html, and you can get tickets at theatre80.net. see you in two weeks!
another trailer.... are you excited yet?
more information at http://jaemajoydance.com/the-way-we-danced-til-three.html, and you can get tickets at theatre80.net. see you in two weeks!
May 16, 2012
decreasing possibilities
"the first few brushstrokes to the blank canvas satisfy the requirements of many possible paintings, while the last few fit only that painting - they could go nowhere else. the development of an imagined piece into an actual piece is a progression of decreasing possibilities, as each step in execution reduces future options by converting one - and only one - possibility into reality." -- david bayles & ted orland
i've been thinking today - this week, really - about focus, and the above point about decreasing possibilities in an artistic endeavor speaks to me in a couple of ways.
first: i think this accurately captures the sense of loss or grief the artist feels (or at least what i feel) when making work. there's a constant tugging between the euphoric feeling of sheer CREATION and the poignant sense of loss. the happy accidents, the joy of seeing your idea executed for the first time, the performers taking ownership of the work all push up against the nagging feeling that something isn't quite sticking, the inevitable gap between what happens in the studio before you and what had happened in your imagination.
secondly: in reworking dances, or pieces, or ideas, i find myself always getting smaller. a smaller idea, a smaller scope, a smaller cast of characters, a smaller movement vocabulary. one might also call this focusing. this too feels better at times (clearer) than others (less inclusive, less relatable). creating anything, no matter how rough, necessarily decreases the possibilities available in the imagination for the said work - it gives it bounds. and in editing, i find myself decreasing the possibilities even further, until, as noted above, the bits of the dances seem inevitable, as if "they could go nowhere else."
it's tough business. it feels great, it feels bleh, it feels frustrating, but no one else can do my work, so i might as well do it, right? you too.
i've been thinking today - this week, really - about focus, and the above point about decreasing possibilities in an artistic endeavor speaks to me in a couple of ways.
first: i think this accurately captures the sense of loss or grief the artist feels (or at least what i feel) when making work. there's a constant tugging between the euphoric feeling of sheer CREATION and the poignant sense of loss. the happy accidents, the joy of seeing your idea executed for the first time, the performers taking ownership of the work all push up against the nagging feeling that something isn't quite sticking, the inevitable gap between what happens in the studio before you and what had happened in your imagination.
secondly: in reworking dances, or pieces, or ideas, i find myself always getting smaller. a smaller idea, a smaller scope, a smaller cast of characters, a smaller movement vocabulary. one might also call this focusing. this too feels better at times (clearer) than others (less inclusive, less relatable). creating anything, no matter how rough, necessarily decreases the possibilities available in the imagination for the said work - it gives it bounds. and in editing, i find myself decreasing the possibilities even further, until, as noted above, the bits of the dances seem inevitable, as if "they could go nowhere else."
it's tough business. it feels great, it feels bleh, it feels frustrating, but no one else can do my work, so i might as well do it, right? you too.
May 2, 2012
The Way We Danced 'Til Three: a trailer
this has been floating around facebook for a couple of days now, but for those of you who are less addicted to social media than most of my generation, here's a trailer for the show... enjoy!
May 1, 2012
the more important it is, the harder it is to get there. you might as well get out of your own way.
Reflection for the day:
Like a magnetized needle floating on a surface of oil,
Resistance will unfailingly point to true North—mean-
ing that calling or action it most wants to stop us from doing.
We can use this. We can use it as a compass. We can
navigate by Resistance, letting it guide us to that calling
or action that we must follow before all others.
Rule of thumb: The more important a call or action is
to our soul's evolution, the more Resistance we will feel
toward pursuing it.
-Steven Pressfield
There are always logistics. Getting the funding for a project. Getting the right people involved. Getting the right people to commit to the project. For me, finding rehearsal times that work for all those right people. And then finding space to hold those rehearsals. And then finding affordable space to hold those rehearsals. Teaching myself about copyright law. Obtaining the licenses for the music, certificates for the liability insurance, the technical documents. Finding someone to light the show - someone who will create with the same vision I have. Creating the digital and print artwork (or, finding someone to do it for me. Ditto the "same vision" issue). There are always, always, more logistics.
And then there are the more insidious barriers to the artistic process. Often they work in tandem with the logistics. The project isn't important enough to devote this much time to, when I could be working/taking class/auditioning/giving my friends the attention they deserve/watching tv. Or, who am I to ask time and money of people for my artistic pursuit? What do I have to say that's so important? What do I really know about choreography anyway? Or even, here I am, saying I'm telling the stories of 20- and 30-somethings in their romantic experience, but I'm only one 25-year-old with one romantic experience, so what do I really know? Maybe I'm just pretending that this stuff is universal. Maybe I'm a stereotype and my friends and family are just obligatorily supportive.
And even writing this right now - maybe no one cares. Jaema you're such a whiney so-called "artist." Everyone has to deal with logistics. And self-doubt.
Well, some of that is true - everyone does have to deal with logistics, and self-doubt. And any artistic process is going to have its difficulties. And I choose to do it anyway, and I choose to do with with grace, and with gratitude for the people who are invested and committed to the project (because there are a bunch of them... four incredible dance artists, a fantastic lighting designer, and many many enthusiastic audience members and financial and emotional backers). Perhaps I just look at these challenges as sure-fire signs that I'm doing the right thing - this is what my artistic calling is, at this moment.
I guess what I'm saying is that I share this to share my own experience with the power of choice. If you're doing something important, there's going to be trouble. I can't help the logistical challenges, but I can change the voice in the back of my head from whiney and doubtful to grateful, graceful, and powerful. I challenge anyone to try that attitude on, and see what happens.
And regardless, I'm gonna put on this show, and that voice is going to power through. See you then.
April 27, 2012
on the technicalities of technique
the question about what technique is, what sort of technique to have, and how to gain/maintain it has been coming up a lot lately. it's something i think about a lot because over the years, i've had several revelations about technique.
when i was little, i basically confused "technique" with "facility." i thought i had questionable technique because i don't have very open turnout or very flexible ankles or a very long neck. (thank goodness i got past that phase early!) in college, my first radically different dance experience, i realized that i indeed was rather technically trained, but technical training is not only ballet and ballet-based jazz. (this was shocking at the time.) it was also fascinating to me that i could be a "good dancer" but i was really lost in a graham-based modern class or heaven knows a jump rhythm jazz class. so i passionately set myself to learning all of the different ways of moving (the "techniques") i could get my hands (toes?) on. all of this was in the effort to be an utterly versatile dancer. i wasn't a "tapper," i wasn't a "trina," i wasn't a "downtown modern dancer," i wasn't a "competition jazz kid," but i was kind of all of the above. (this quest for ultimate versatility is also an overarching theme for my life so far, but that's a different - and much larger - post.)
for dance, the purpose of technique is to assume certain forms and use the body in certain ways to produce certain aesthetic results. different "techniques" definitely have different aesthetic results in mind, and since my early teens i have been under the personal opinion that ultimate technique educates you enough that you are free to make any choice. embody it, throw it away, articulate it, disregard it for a moment. that seemed to be creativity to me. technique is about teaching the body to be a clean slate to make any choice to portray whatever idea the choreography and your dancing is meant to express.
on tuesday night, in a small modern dance class in new york city, hawkins-trained dancer/choreographer/teacher gloria mclean started talking about the idea of technique and the choices of various generations of dancers regarding said technique. she grouped her generation (the end of the era of modern dance and the beginning of the postmodern movement) as seeking technique to create fresh natural movement. erick hawkins saw natural human movement as a series of undercurves and overcurves, for example, and his technique is training the body to make use of those curves to "construct" natural movement. (in contrast, another inspirational technique that i've studied is billy siegenfeld's jump rhythm technique, which is based on the pure expression of rhythm. the body is taught to engage only the necessary muscles to move only the necessary bones - those two scapular plates on your back - to explosively express rhythm from the ground through your body. all of this because billy sees natural human movement as rhythm.) gloria was asserting (and i agree) that all choreographers, in some way, want to put together something that appears fresh. everyone is trying to put together movement in a new, fresh, way, be it in a "natural-looking" way (isadora duncan, some postmodern work), a "natural-feeling" way (release technique modern), an idealized visual way (ballet), or even in a style that is considered desirable, "sexy," entertaining, or at the very least visually pleasing (fosse, giordano).
i define "good technique" for myself as being able to portray the desired aesthetic. if i see a ballet, i don't want to be distracted by someone in the corps whose feet are sickled. when i saw molly shanahan/madshak at the joyce soho a few weeks ago, i was struck by how the energetic forms of the body (not necessarily the shapes, although in some way that follows form) were so together, so in sync - although it is a released technique, the unison movement was no doubt very technical. or to use the jump rhythm technique example again: the actual shapes of the body (which arm is where, how bent the leg is) might actually be pretty different, but the energetic paths through the body and the rhythm of the dancing is crystal clear and in unison (or at least in clarity, even in counterpoint). the mastery of each technique allows the dancer to express the choreography fully without his body getting in the way as a sort of distraction for himself or for the audience.
gloria further asserted that my generation of dancers put much effort into staying "natural" and "fresh" by not training. there's something to that - dancers are glorified for their raw talent, their untrained animalistic movement, sheer creativity, etc. she is of the opinion that young dancers are afraid of being "labeled" as one thing or the other, so they end up being not really anything at all. i think i'm a case study in having that fear of being labeled, but by going at it a different way - by learning, accepting, and trying desperately to be good at each thing. no, i don't really want to be labeled, but it's because i want to be thought of as someone who can do it all. i have often wondered if my tendency to do everything is holding me back (in a jack-of-all-trades, master-of-none kind of way).
the jury's still out on that one. but hindsight is 20-20, and now that i've discovered my passion for the creation of movement is separate and perhaps livelier than my passion for performing movement, it seems logical that i wanted to try everything i possibly could to give my brain new pathways to use to find and create movement that is "new" or "fresh" in a modern (postmodern? contemporary? jazz-funk? millenial-dance?) fashion. i feel like having as many influences as possible will somehow allow my creative brain to make connections between the influences that i wouldn't have already discovered.
thoughts?
April 10, 2012
"real" artists
i was having a conversation today.
it was a conversation that, in many variations, has happened more or less daily since i began dancing in new york. it has the key ingredients of "callback," "type," "actually have technique," "prepared," and is peppered with questions, advice, and commiserating. often with a twinge of bitterness. with varying degrees of ironic self-awareness.
there exists in this city, more than any other environment i've been in, a sense of the musical as the holy grail - and broadway as the ultimate goal, of course - but the musical in general automatically trumps any other sort of performance or art.
i kinda think it's bullshit.
don't get me wrong - i am dazzled by the stage. there is incredible work being done there, and if someone handed me a contract to dance in a broadway show i'd take it in half a heartbeat. but i just can't subscribe to the view that THAT IS IT. that's the only thing worth shooting for. (granted, that's the only thing you really get paid well for, but that's another issue entirely.) and i definitely cannot subscribe to the view that real artists, real dancers, are the ones who are busting their butts in dance calls every day. that's a tough lifestyle and an incredible lifestyle and i know so many people who are doing just that because they love it. and i can't support them enough! but the truth is, there are real dancers at auditions, there are real dancers in shows, on tours, on cruise ships, in class next to you, in a loft in the west village improvising, in music videos, backing up pop stars, showing work in a janky festival in brooklyn, etc etc etc.
the prevailing view of the broadway stage as the only worthwhile endeavor is really hard to resist sometimes - it sucks dancers in, and the lame part is that it's bound to make you feel bad. almost every day, every time one of these conversations come up, i hear the buzzing in my brain asking why i didn't go to that audition, why haven't i pushed myself like that, i've never gotten a job from an audition, am i wasting my early 20s? and that's where the artist's fight comes in (complete with a quote from that book you all know i'm obsessed with):
the battle we're talking about is the battle of creating. of being a self-assured working artist. the self-doubt that comes with that "i'm not doing the right thing" attitude is just not helpful to anyone. the facts for me are: i've performed more often than i've auditioned since i moved here. creating work in my bedroom is more fulfilling to me as an artist than nailing down the best vocal coach. i personally would rather soak up as much as possible from dance artists around me in classes, auditions, workshops, and playing in the studio than tour with a new musical. i may not ever dance on broadway. and that's actually just fine; it doesn't mean that i am, or anyone is, more or less an artist or a dancer than anyone else.
here's to the whole artist - the artist you are in class on tuesday afternoon, the artist you are over a glass of wine with friends, and the artist you are when you're in your second callback for a regional tour.
it was a conversation that, in many variations, has happened more or less daily since i began dancing in new york. it has the key ingredients of "callback," "type," "actually have technique," "prepared," and is peppered with questions, advice, and commiserating. often with a twinge of bitterness. with varying degrees of ironic self-awareness.
there exists in this city, more than any other environment i've been in, a sense of the musical as the holy grail - and broadway as the ultimate goal, of course - but the musical in general automatically trumps any other sort of performance or art.
i kinda think it's bullshit.
don't get me wrong - i am dazzled by the stage. there is incredible work being done there, and if someone handed me a contract to dance in a broadway show i'd take it in half a heartbeat. but i just can't subscribe to the view that THAT IS IT. that's the only thing worth shooting for. (granted, that's the only thing you really get paid well for, but that's another issue entirely.) and i definitely cannot subscribe to the view that real artists, real dancers, are the ones who are busting their butts in dance calls every day. that's a tough lifestyle and an incredible lifestyle and i know so many people who are doing just that because they love it. and i can't support them enough! but the truth is, there are real dancers at auditions, there are real dancers in shows, on tours, on cruise ships, in class next to you, in a loft in the west village improvising, in music videos, backing up pop stars, showing work in a janky festival in brooklyn, etc etc etc.
the prevailing view of the broadway stage as the only worthwhile endeavor is really hard to resist sometimes - it sucks dancers in, and the lame part is that it's bound to make you feel bad. almost every day, every time one of these conversations come up, i hear the buzzing in my brain asking why i didn't go to that audition, why haven't i pushed myself like that, i've never gotten a job from an audition, am i wasting my early 20s? and that's where the artist's fight comes in (complete with a quote from that book you all know i'm obsessed with):
The warrior and the artist live by the same code of necessity,
which dictates that the battle must be fought anew every day.
(Stephen Pressfield, The War of Art)
the battle we're talking about is the battle of creating. of being a self-assured working artist. the self-doubt that comes with that "i'm not doing the right thing" attitude is just not helpful to anyone. the facts for me are: i've performed more often than i've auditioned since i moved here. creating work in my bedroom is more fulfilling to me as an artist than nailing down the best vocal coach. i personally would rather soak up as much as possible from dance artists around me in classes, auditions, workshops, and playing in the studio than tour with a new musical. i may not ever dance on broadway. and that's actually just fine; it doesn't mean that i am, or anyone is, more or less an artist or a dancer than anyone else.
here's to the whole artist - the artist you are in class on tuesday afternoon, the artist you are over a glass of wine with friends, and the artist you are when you're in your second callback for a regional tour.
March 9, 2012
self-observation: i'm scared out of my mind.
people keep asking me: "so how does it feel?"
friends that i haven't spoken to in a while, or friends that aren't really in the art/theatre/dance world-- they all get it that actually *booking* a theatre space is a big commitment and a first for me in new york city. and, invariably, like the good friends they are, they congratulate me and ask how i'm feeling about it, and how it's going.
depending on the moment, i may break out in a big grin, or i may just look terrified. (or maybe i just make a terrifying grin? probably.)
as soon - AS SOON - as i signed the contract and left Theatre80, it started. it started saying, "ugh, the gershwin idea is old news now." "you're not really that good at making dances." "this isn't a very strong project." ... which spirals frighteningly into "well if you cancel now maybe you can get some of that down payment back..."
HOLD UP. what's that? something is starting to talk me out of what i've been working on for almost two years? yes. WHO?! oh, just what steven pressfield calls Resistance. and she's good. she gets tougher and tougher - the self-doubt gets more and more convincing - the closer we get to the point of creation. in it's way, it makes sense that at a big point of commitment (signing a contract, writing a down payment check), she rears her ugly head. so i'm doing my best, living through this scary part, laughing at how cunning my own inner resistance is, and just going ahead. writing grants, getting dancers committed to the project, developing a rehearsal schedule, and putting it all out there for the blog/social media world to see.
consider this my personal declaration that i am scared of failure. and i'm going to create something powerful anyway.
"when you are lazy, your art is lazy;
when you hold back, it holds back;
when you hesitate, it stands there staring, hands in its pockets.
but when you commit, it comes on like blazes."
- david bayles
friends that i haven't spoken to in a while, or friends that aren't really in the art/theatre/dance world-- they all get it that actually *booking* a theatre space is a big commitment and a first for me in new york city. and, invariably, like the good friends they are, they congratulate me and ask how i'm feeling about it, and how it's going.
depending on the moment, i may break out in a big grin, or i may just look terrified. (or maybe i just make a terrifying grin? probably.)
as soon - AS SOON - as i signed the contract and left Theatre80, it started. it started saying, "ugh, the gershwin idea is old news now." "you're not really that good at making dances." "this isn't a very strong project." ... which spirals frighteningly into "well if you cancel now maybe you can get some of that down payment back..."
HOLD UP. what's that? something is starting to talk me out of what i've been working on for almost two years? yes. WHO?! oh, just what steven pressfield calls Resistance. and she's good. she gets tougher and tougher - the self-doubt gets more and more convincing - the closer we get to the point of creation. in it's way, it makes sense that at a big point of commitment (signing a contract, writing a down payment check), she rears her ugly head. so i'm doing my best, living through this scary part, laughing at how cunning my own inner resistance is, and just going ahead. writing grants, getting dancers committed to the project, developing a rehearsal schedule, and putting it all out there for the blog/social media world to see.
consider this my personal declaration that i am scared of failure. and i'm going to create something powerful anyway.
"when you are lazy, your art is lazy;
when you hold back, it holds back;
when you hesitate, it stands there staring, hands in its pockets.
but when you commit, it comes on like blazes."
- david bayles
February 27, 2012
it's official...
jaema joy dance is presenting The Way We Danced 'Til Three on Thursday, May 31st and Friday, June 1st, 2012, at Theatre80 St. Marks in the east village.
this is my very first full-length production in new york city. today i rode the F train up to the theatre, slapped my signature on a contract, threw down a down payment (heh) check for $1200, and it's done! then i came home and hooked my facebook up to my twitter account (maybe even more intimidating than signing the contact.... follow me @jaemajoydance).
and then i ran out my nervous energy at sunset from my apartment in brooklyn across the bridge to city hall and back.
i'm thrilled. and feeling inspired. and feeling pretty terrified! but i'm so grateful to my kickstarters out there - there's no way my personal budget could have permitted an opportunity like this. and i just keep thinking about that old quote (that may or may not be from goethe):
"until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back. concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too .... whatever you can do, or dream to do, begin it. boldness has genius, power, and magic in it."
i have begun!
so i'd guess i'd say today has been a pretty big day. one of those days that you could have told my 15-year-old self was coming ten years down the line and she probably would have passed out in thrilled disbelief.
this is my very first full-length production in new york city. today i rode the F train up to the theatre, slapped my signature on a contract, threw down a down payment (heh) check for $1200, and it's done! then i came home and hooked my facebook up to my twitter account (maybe even more intimidating than signing the contact.... follow me @jaemajoydance).
and then i ran out my nervous energy at sunset from my apartment in brooklyn across the bridge to city hall and back.
i'm thrilled. and feeling inspired. and feeling pretty terrified! but i'm so grateful to my kickstarters out there - there's no way my personal budget could have permitted an opportunity like this. and i just keep thinking about that old quote (that may or may not be from goethe):
"until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back. concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too .... whatever you can do, or dream to do, begin it. boldness has genius, power, and magic in it."
i have begun!
so i'd guess i'd say today has been a pretty big day. one of those days that you could have told my 15-year-old self was coming ten years down the line and she probably would have passed out in thrilled disbelief.
January 31, 2012
Day 31.
prompt: "to give love is as necessary for life as taking a breath."
music: "playing possum" by maxwell
WELL, this is it! done with january! and what a rewarding month it has been! even if i use nothing from this experiment, it got my brain moving even more on this show and i'm excited to create. thanks for sticking with me!
music: "playing possum" by maxwell
WELL, this is it! done with january! and what a rewarding month it has been! even if i use nothing from this experiment, it got my brain moving even more on this show and i'm excited to create. thanks for sticking with me!
January 30, 2012
Day 30.
prompt: "love is like jumping off a cliff into water. you fall and fall, you get butterflies on the way down and you wonder how hard you will hit, and then you come up fast gasping for air and refreshed and can't wait to do it again."
music: "minha (all mine)" by michel camilo
thoughts: i saw the movie "Pina" last night. it was so beautiful! there was a moment from Cafe Muller, i believe, in which a couple starts in an embrace and then another man places their limbs and bodies so that the man is carrying the woman, and then she falls out of his arms and it happens over and over again. seeing that bit made this prompt stand out to me and the movement is definitely influenced by that. granted it's just sllllightly less well-crafted than the shots and choreo in the film. ;)
music: "minha (all mine)" by michel camilo
thoughts: i saw the movie "Pina" last night. it was so beautiful! there was a moment from Cafe Muller, i believe, in which a couple starts in an embrace and then another man places their limbs and bodies so that the man is carrying the woman, and then she falls out of his arms and it happens over and over again. seeing that bit made this prompt stand out to me and the movement is definitely influenced by that. granted it's just sllllightly less well-crafted than the shots and choreo in the film. ;)
January 29, 2012
Day 29.
prompt: "someone who's an 'adder,' to quote a friend. when you do something with a group, some people are neutral; some people detract from the experience, but some people always add energy/excitement."
music: "don't start lying to me now" by joss stone
music: "don't start lying to me now" by joss stone
Day 28.
prompt: "find someone whose strengths you admire and who tolerates your weaknesses."
music: "let's call the whole thing off" by billie holiday (again!)
thoughts: i really thought this should be danced side-by-side by a couple, but since i'm just me and i'm not a savvy enough imovie user to make it split-screen, you'll have to use your imagination.
also... i'm a day late. i take responsibility for this.
music: "let's call the whole thing off" by billie holiday (again!)
thoughts: i really thought this should be danced side-by-side by a couple, but since i'm just me and i'm not a savvy enough imovie user to make it split-screen, you'll have to use your imagination.
also... i'm a day late. i take responsibility for this.
January 27, 2012
Day 27.
prompt: "[love is] annoying, confusing, wonderful, and fulfilling."
music: "love is here to stay" by richard glazier
thoughts: this is one of my favorite gershwin songs, and actually one of my favorite songs, period. my itunes has 11 versions of this song in it (richard glazier, blossom dearie, mel torme, marcus roberts, michel camilo, oscar peterson, gene kelly from An American in Paris, ian pace, diana ross, billie holiday, how's THAT for an inspiring list of performers?!) also, as some may note, this choreography is very evocative of other parts of the existing versions of TWWDTT... some clarifications about the chair and the hat as props came out of my showing in october, and they've been on my mind, so this is kind of a blend of ideas from that.
music: "love is here to stay" by richard glazier
thoughts: this is one of my favorite gershwin songs, and actually one of my favorite songs, period. my itunes has 11 versions of this song in it (richard glazier, blossom dearie, mel torme, marcus roberts, michel camilo, oscar peterson, gene kelly from An American in Paris, ian pace, diana ross, billie holiday, how's THAT for an inspiring list of performers?!) also, as some may note, this choreography is very evocative of other parts of the existing versions of TWWDTT... some clarifications about the chair and the hat as props came out of my showing in october, and they've been on my mind, so this is kind of a blend of ideas from that.
January 26, 2012
Day 26.
prompt: "[my greatest relationship dealbreaker is] lack of ambition"
music: "music for marcel duchamp" by philipp vandre
thoughts: only 5 more! also this music/choreo combo is kinda scary. also so is my outfit...?
music: "music for marcel duchamp" by philipp vandre
thoughts: only 5 more! also this music/choreo combo is kinda scary. also so is my outfit...?
January 25, 2012
Day 25.
prompt: "completely involuntary, tremendously forgiving and understanding. by far, the most precious thing life has to offer."
(in response to: give me your philosophy on love in two sentences or less)
music: "someone to watch over me" by richard glazier
(in response to: give me your philosophy on love in two sentences or less)
music: "someone to watch over me" by richard glazier
January 24, 2012
Day 24.
prompt: "....soon?"
in response to "when will mr/ms right show up?"
music: "let's call the whole thing off" by billie holiday
thoughts: i got this little bit out, but i think i want to do more with this music - i love her voice and this song, and this doesn't quite cut it... yet. :)
in response to "when will mr/ms right show up?"
music: "let's call the whole thing off" by billie holiday
thoughts: i got this little bit out, but i think i want to do more with this music - i love her voice and this song, and this doesn't quite cut it... yet. :)
January 23, 2012
Day 23.
prompt: "when i'm looking the other way."
(in response to: "when will mr./ms. right show up?")
music: "love walked in" by oscar peterson
(in response to: "when will mr./ms. right show up?")
music: "love walked in" by oscar peterson
January 22, 2012
Day 22.
prompt: climbing cliffs and swimming seas
(in response to "give me your philosophy on love."
music: "NY snow globe" by rachel's (we just got snow! i couldn't help myself with this title!)
thoughts: ahhh ha. 20-some-odd days in, and i'm finally getting to something that feels interesting. not, necessarily, interesting to watch or interesting to put on stage, but interesting in that finally i feel like i come to a clear idea in time to capture a root of a real thought on camera. ...i guess that takes practice. huh.
i'm looking back through the videos and my notes, actually, and a couple things stand out.
1. ACTUALLY doing this daily has progressed from feeling guilty because i wasn't "putting in enough " to feeling like a chore to finally becoming something that's on my mind, and if it's approaching 24 hours since the last one, i feel drawn to do. it's like.... a habit?! what?? this is working?!?!
2. the first bits were just sludge. the next bits sort of had interesting ideas that were poorly executed. we don't get into any movement that's actually interesting until at least two weeks in. it's remarkably like getting in shape. first you force a terrible workout, then you're sore and it's hard to motivate, and then finally it gets smoother.
3. thinking creatively and in an embodied way every day has opened up ideas and thoughts about the project as a whole that i wouldn't have thought of on my own. i'm starting to feel inspired about different options in the way i was right after the showing in october, after i took in reviews from chicago, after my first few rehearsals... in short, it usually happens with creative stimulation from others. i guess this is also the point of making creative thought a habit.
as an experiment, both with technology as an artistic tool and with this movement as something usable, here's the same video with the sound taken out and marcus roberts' "how long has this been going on?" added in. kinda takes on a desperate quality it didn't have above.
i mean, none of this is ready to see an audience, or really ready to see dancers in rehearsal, but it's a touch more intelligent of an output for me as a creative artist to revisit and digest.
also: happy birthday to the coolest mom ever! :) i love you!
(in response to "give me your philosophy on love."
music: "NY snow globe" by rachel's (we just got snow! i couldn't help myself with this title!)
thoughts: ahhh ha. 20-some-odd days in, and i'm finally getting to something that feels interesting. not, necessarily, interesting to watch or interesting to put on stage, but interesting in that finally i feel like i come to a clear idea in time to capture a root of a real thought on camera. ...i guess that takes practice. huh.
i'm looking back through the videos and my notes, actually, and a couple things stand out.
1. ACTUALLY doing this daily has progressed from feeling guilty because i wasn't "putting in enough " to feeling like a chore to finally becoming something that's on my mind, and if it's approaching 24 hours since the last one, i feel drawn to do. it's like.... a habit?! what?? this is working?!?!
2. the first bits were just sludge. the next bits sort of had interesting ideas that were poorly executed. we don't get into any movement that's actually interesting until at least two weeks in. it's remarkably like getting in shape. first you force a terrible workout, then you're sore and it's hard to motivate, and then finally it gets smoother.
3. thinking creatively and in an embodied way every day has opened up ideas and thoughts about the project as a whole that i wouldn't have thought of on my own. i'm starting to feel inspired about different options in the way i was right after the showing in october, after i took in reviews from chicago, after my first few rehearsals... in short, it usually happens with creative stimulation from others. i guess this is also the point of making creative thought a habit.
as an experiment, both with technology as an artistic tool and with this movement as something usable, here's the same video with the sound taken out and marcus roberts' "how long has this been going on?" added in. kinda takes on a desperate quality it didn't have above.
i mean, none of this is ready to see an audience, or really ready to see dancers in rehearsal, but it's a touch more intelligent of an output for me as a creative artist to revisit and digest.
also: happy birthday to the coolest mom ever! :) i love you!
Day 21.
prompt: "if you're not happy, change something."
music: "all the things you are" by the oscar peterson trio
only 10 days left!
music: "all the things you are" by the oscar peterson trio
only 10 days left!
January 20, 2012
January 19, 2012
Day 18.
prompt: "i like it when guys call you instead of texting full conversations for hours and hours. calling is nice. it takes guts these days."
music: "how come you don't call me" by alicia keys
thoughts: ok, obvious song choice. but the idea is less that he doesn't call at all and more that he only texts. also, this is the part of the process where after you worked all day, sent your boyfriend off to germany, danced onstage for an audience and then went to your work-study job, you still get home and choreograph before you go to bed. (i'm feeling proud of myself.) you never know when the muse is gonna get in there, so you gotta put in that work, right?
music: "how come you don't call me" by alicia keys
thoughts: ok, obvious song choice. but the idea is less that he doesn't call at all and more that he only texts. also, this is the part of the process where after you worked all day, sent your boyfriend off to germany, danced onstage for an audience and then went to your work-study job, you still get home and choreograph before you go to bed. (i'm feeling proud of myself.) you never know when the muse is gonna get in there, so you gotta put in that work, right?
January 17, 2012
Day 17.
prompt: describe how you felt right after you last breakup, in one word. "relieved."
music: "tunglio" by olafur arnalds
thoughts: my computer clearly didn't know how to handle the lighting in this apartment. i also clearly took suzi taylor's class today. going with it.
music: "tunglio" by olafur arnalds
thoughts: my computer clearly didn't know how to handle the lighting in this apartment. i also clearly took suzi taylor's class today. going with it.
there's still more to say
last night i had the incredible privileged to see an excerpt of "Who Cares?" danced by the New York City Ballet at the New York City Dance Alliance Foundation's presentation, Destiny Rising. it was an exquisite pas de deux to "The Man I Love." the music was orchestral in the Gershwin style with a sultry brass line giving us the melody. the dancers, Robert Fairchild and Tiler Peck, were stunning, technically flawless, and amazing performers. Balanchine's choreography was a tough and oh-so-clean ballet pas de deux with some jazzy shapes (especially for Robert Fairchild) thrown in. the chemistry between the dancers was exciting and i couldn't take my eyes off of them.
i haven't watched parts of "Who Cares?" since before the premiere of TWWDTT, when i was researching all sorts of dance and film done to Gershwin, from NYCB to Fred Astaire to movie montages with Rhapsody in Blue playing in the background. when i saw this pas de deux listed on the program, i had a little feeling of dread and self-doubt as i waited to see the show. after all, if Balanchine has done this choreography to the Gershwins' music, who the hell am i to make a show of it?
as i watched - and fully enjoyed - the performance, the dread melted away and i realized, oh, this is so gorgeous and they're saying something complete and articulate and beautiful with this performance, but that isn't all there is to say. there's so much more in there - in the music, in the human romantic experience, in the vocabulary of dance - that could be explored. and i want to explore it! fred astaire doesn't quite capture the modern romantic cynicism that my generation has embraced. and NYCB didn't quite capture the humor that i see in the blessedly human approach to relationships. there's more to say! and the Gershwins' music can support all those conversations so gracefully.
and isn't that the thing about art? there's always more to say. there's always more music to write, more landscapes to be interpreted with a painter's brush, more movement to be created, more of the human experience to be recorded and expressed in an artist's unique voice. art (like fashion!) is never finished. and i'm feeling grateful to be a part of the journey.
i haven't watched parts of "Who Cares?" since before the premiere of TWWDTT, when i was researching all sorts of dance and film done to Gershwin, from NYCB to Fred Astaire to movie montages with Rhapsody in Blue playing in the background. when i saw this pas de deux listed on the program, i had a little feeling of dread and self-doubt as i waited to see the show. after all, if Balanchine has done this choreography to the Gershwins' music, who the hell am i to make a show of it?
as i watched - and fully enjoyed - the performance, the dread melted away and i realized, oh, this is so gorgeous and they're saying something complete and articulate and beautiful with this performance, but that isn't all there is to say. there's so much more in there - in the music, in the human romantic experience, in the vocabulary of dance - that could be explored. and i want to explore it! fred astaire doesn't quite capture the modern romantic cynicism that my generation has embraced. and NYCB didn't quite capture the humor that i see in the blessedly human approach to relationships. there's more to say! and the Gershwins' music can support all those conversations so gracefully.
and isn't that the thing about art? there's always more to say. there's always more music to write, more landscapes to be interpreted with a painter's brush, more movement to be created, more of the human experience to be recorded and expressed in an artist's unique voice. art (like fashion!) is never finished. and i'm feeling grateful to be a part of the journey.
January 16, 2012
Day 16.
prompt: "we were both at the same bar, and he walked in and said 'hey let's go on a date.' i said yes and he walked out. that's a true story."
(in response to "how did you two meet?")
music: "knock on wood" by seal
thoughts: more than halfway!!
(in response to "how did you two meet?")
music: "knock on wood" by seal
thoughts: more than halfway!!
January 15, 2012
Day 15.
prompt: (in response to "give me a one-word summary." being single is...)
irritating
fine
independence
lonely
interesting
quiet
productive
free-ing
challenging
music: "cameron" by matt & kim
irritating
fine
independence
lonely
interesting
quiet
productive
free-ing
challenging
music: "cameron" by matt & kim
January 14, 2012
Day 14.
prompt: "it takes time for people to grow up. i'm still waiting to see if this advice pays off."
music: "growing pains" by la roux
thoughts: once again, restricted by time and hallway space today. getting bored with that. i think it's important for me to remember that this is an exercise. this is not how i create finished product. this is how i begin to create finished product, but i'm not limited to this. it's just the practice of beginning.
music: "growing pains" by la roux
thoughts: once again, restricted by time and hallway space today. getting bored with that. i think it's important for me to remember that this is an exercise. this is not how i create finished product. this is how i begin to create finished product, but i'm not limited to this. it's just the practice of beginning.
Day 13.
prompt: "it's all about balance."
music: "street lights" by kanye west
thoughts: full disclosure. i'm home late after performing and subsequent celebratory dinner/wine this evening. this i actually choreographed and video-ed the other day, but i revisited, edited, and posted (sort of) today. (it's 1:12am, after all... not exactly still the 13th. but i haven't gone to sleep yet!) ...
January 12, 2012
Day 12.
prompt: "listen to your gut. if you can't hear it, work on listening to it before making decisions."
music: "embraceable you" by billie holiday
thoughts: today i REALLY didn't want to go choreograph. it was 10pm, i was full of my dinner and i was tired from a long day and i was feeling like putting on a sweatshirt and sitting in front of the couch and NOT moving this body. but i did it anyway. that's the point. i thought "ok. listening. and guts. maybe if i hold a plank and my ears...." and i kind of like the weirdness and un-pretty un-coolness of the movement. i am doing the work, and sometimes something new comes out. that is so the point!
music: "embraceable you" by billie holiday
thoughts: today i REALLY didn't want to go choreograph. it was 10pm, i was full of my dinner and i was tired from a long day and i was feeling like putting on a sweatshirt and sitting in front of the couch and NOT moving this body. but i did it anyway. that's the point. i thought "ok. listening. and guts. maybe if i hold a plank and my ears...." and i kind of like the weirdness and un-pretty un-coolness of the movement. i am doing the work, and sometimes something new comes out. that is so the point!
January 11, 2012
Day 11.
prompt: "love someone the way you want to be loved."
music: "soon" by ella fitzgerald & ellis larkins
thoughts: back to gershwin today... because don't you all want to be loved the way ella's voice makes you feel?
music: "soon" by ella fitzgerald & ellis larkins
thoughts: back to gershwin today... because don't you all want to be loved the way ella's voice makes you feel?
January 10, 2012
Day 10.
amazing prompt given on the end of the survey (the say-whatever-you-want part): "i'll never give up on love in new york."
music: "to build a home" by the cinematic orchestra
music: "to build a home" by the cinematic orchestra
January 9, 2012
Day 9.
prompt: "life/relationships are about COMPROMISE, not getting what you want all the time."
music: "let's call the whole thing off" by oscar peterson
thoughts: as the process goes on, i find that i like the concepts i'm using and the inspiration gathered from the survey (SERIOUSLY inspiring!) more than the actual movement. which is very different than doing this exercise in the past - for last year and the year before, i would like specific phrases of movement very much, but cared less about the concept or impetus behind them. should be interesting to see what (if anything) ends up useful out of this year's bits.
on another note: survey is here for anyone who wants to join in!
on yet another note: 9/31! i'm 30% there! (thanks to dan for pointing this out.)
music: "let's call the whole thing off" by oscar peterson
thoughts: as the process goes on, i find that i like the concepts i'm using and the inspiration gathered from the survey (SERIOUSLY inspiring!) more than the actual movement. which is very different than doing this exercise in the past - for last year and the year before, i would like specific phrases of movement very much, but cared less about the concept or impetus behind them. should be interesting to see what (if anything) ends up useful out of this year's bits.
on another note: survey is here for anyone who wants to join in!
on yet another note: 9/31! i'm 30% there! (thanks to dan for pointing this out.)
January 7, 2012
Day 8.
prompt: "no one outside a relationship can ever really understand what is happening within a relationship. so, in the end, you just have to trust yourself."
music: alan loveday and neville marriner (unknown title)
thoughts: this bit of movement i choreographed without music, and set it to this later. also, i went downstairs to do this knowing i wanted to cover my eyes, but i had completely forgotten my prompt... so the prompt led to the motif, and the motif led to the work, and the work led to the music choice.
music: alan loveday and neville marriner (unknown title)
thoughts: this bit of movement i choreographed without music, and set it to this later. also, i went downstairs to do this knowing i wanted to cover my eyes, but i had completely forgotten my prompt... so the prompt led to the motif, and the motif led to the work, and the work led to the music choice.
Day 7.
prompt: "take it or leave it"
(in response to: give me your philosophy on love in two sentences or less"
music: "mandali" by africando feat. medoune diallo
thoughts: some days less boring forms of movement come much more easily. other days i do the same borinngggg things over and over. this wasn't such a terrible day.
(in response to: give me your philosophy on love in two sentences or less"
music: "mandali" by africando feat. medoune diallo
thoughts: some days less boring forms of movement come much more easily. other days i do the same borinngggg things over and over. this wasn't such a terrible day.
January 6, 2012
Day 6.
day 6, everyone, brings something new. the first 5 days were created using prompts from audience slips of paper from the show in chicago. today i'm using something from the survey i've created for this very purpose! i LOVE reading the responses. (it's anonymous - if you haven't already, fill it out!) so here we go. this was from the "tell me anything you haven't said yet" question at the end of the survey.
prompt: I kind of think of it like a puzzle on a table. Step away from it and look at the whole and you go "Shit. That's hard." But putting each pair of pieces together is no thing at all. "Of course this one goes here, look at the little stripes..." So basically if you work in your relationship like you're putting the easy pieces together, all of a sudden you step back one day and you made a fucking 2000 piece Thomas Kincaide painting or something without even thinking. The whole puzzle together is amazing and beautiful and a feat, just like love. And the tiny pieces are great too, like a couple's brunch tradition or the six pieces that make the lilac bush by the church. I sincerely hope this makes sense in writing because I believe it so strongly and I think it could make a lot of people feel better about life and love and relationships and all that. Maybe I'll send it to Oprah.
music: "there's so much energy in us" by cloud cult
thoughts: this is a poorly executed exploration of an idea i'm actually interested in. sweet!
January 5, 2012
Day 5.
prompt: "love is letting the other person have the last piece of bacon."
music: "the love you save" by jackson 5
thoughts: i mean, how could i NOT make use of this amazing prompt? also, please don't forget that i'm cool (sometimes.)
music: "the love you save" by jackson 5
thoughts: i mean, how could i NOT make use of this amazing prompt? also, please don't forget that i'm cool (sometimes.)
January 4, 2012
Day 4.
prompt: "knuckle down and win big."
(in response to: "what is your philosophy on love?"
music: "stronger than me" by amy winehouse
thoughts: totally not feeling it today. fortunately there are some incredible prompts to work with. "knuckle down and win big?!" whoever wrote that, you're my hero.
(in response to: "what is your philosophy on love?"
music: "stronger than me" by amy winehouse
thoughts: totally not feeling it today. fortunately there are some incredible prompts to work with. "knuckle down and win big?!" whoever wrote that, you're my hero.
January 3, 2012
Day 3.
prompt: "love is finding the person who brings out the best in you and loves about you what you love about yourself - and vice versa."
music: "i was doing all right" by oscar peterson
thoughts: this prompt has a lot more to it than this! this is just some first movement.
music: "i was doing all right" by oscar peterson
thoughts: this prompt has a lot more to it than this! this is just some first movement.
January 2, 2012
Day 2.
prompt: "ask my wife, she has all the answers"
(in response to: "what is your philosophy on love?")
music: "zing! went the strings of my heart" by rufus wainwright
thoughts: short and silly and in a hallway. i should probably find a studio space somewhere to do these in! (makes me miss LPAC.)
(in response to: "what is your philosophy on love?")
music: "zing! went the strings of my heart" by rufus wainwright
thoughts: short and silly and in a hallway. i should probably find a studio space somewhere to do these in! (makes me miss LPAC.)
January 1, 2012
Day 1.
prompt: "It exists if you believe in it."
(in response to "what is your philosophy on love?")
music: richard glazier - "concert transcription: summertime"
thoughts:
it's new year's day, i just worked all afternoon, i am hungry, i wasn't in the mood to come up with anything good. i felt afraid of this resolution. (pretty silly since i'm just doing it to myself... but not living up to one's own expectations? oooh boy. scary stuff.) as i type i'm having to stop myself from making excuses like "UNFINISHED WORK!" "JUST PLAYING AROUND!" "DID THIS IN MY APARTMENT HALLWAY!" but i know that's all just creative resistance. so, a start.
(in response to "what is your philosophy on love?")
music: richard glazier - "concert transcription: summertime"
thoughts:
it's new year's day, i just worked all afternoon, i am hungry, i wasn't in the mood to come up with anything good. i felt afraid of this resolution. (pretty silly since i'm just doing it to myself... but not living up to one's own expectations? oooh boy. scary stuff.) as i type i'm having to stop myself from making excuses like "UNFINISHED WORK!" "JUST PLAYING AROUND!" "DID THIS IN MY APARTMENT HALLWAY!" but i know that's all just creative resistance. so, a start.
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