when it rains, it pours. also, it's almost showtime!

well, in 48 hours i have my full-length choreographic debut in new york city.

(that is FOR SURE one of those things that if my 16-year-old self knew would be happening in ten years, she would probably have passed out.)

it's been a journey, for sure, and maybe none more so than the past couple of weeks.

see, there have been lots of distractions.  i got a ton of responsibility literally overnight at work (on may 1st).  there are roaches in my apartment.  i got a new roommate.  the air conditioning at lululemon stopped working.  dancers dropped out of the show.  i don't have any groceries in my house and i don't have much cash in my bank account.  and they haven't all been bad - quite the contrary - i got engaged, for goodness' sake.

it just never stops.  ever.  it's one thing after another, day in and day out, there are always about 82 million things that are calling my attention, issues that need my help, little fires to put out.

the big lesson here, as stated by david bayles and ted orland, is that "the hardest part of artmaking is living your life in such a way that your work gets done, over and over."

my goodness, that is the TRUTH.  and i think because the magnitude of what i'm working on artistically is larger, and the stakes significantly higher, that life is throwing me everything it's got.  and i calmly thank life for all of the beautiful moments and wonderful challenges and sleepless nights and sweet poignant pangs, and i do my work.

so here we go.  48 hours until the show.

The Way We Danced 'Til Three - Another trailer!

hi friends!

another trailer.... are you excited yet?

more information at http://jaemajoydance.com/the-way-we-danced-til-three.html, and you can get tickets at theatre80.net.  see you in two weeks!

decreasing possibilities

"the first few brushstrokes to the blank canvas satisfy the requirements of many possible paintings, while the last few fit only that painting - they could go nowhere else.  the development of an imagined piece into an actual piece is a progression of decreasing possibilities, as each step in execution reduces future options by converting one - and only one - possibility into reality."     -- david bayles & ted orland

i've been thinking today - this week, really - about focus, and the above point about decreasing possibilities in an artistic endeavor speaks to me in a couple of ways.

first: i think this accurately captures the sense of loss or grief the artist feels (or at least what i feel) when making work.  there's a constant tugging between the euphoric feeling of sheer CREATION and the poignant sense of loss.  the happy accidents, the joy of seeing your idea executed for the first time, the performers taking ownership of the work all push up against the nagging feeling that something isn't quite sticking, the inevitable gap between what happens in the studio before you and what had happened in your imagination.

secondly: in reworking dances, or pieces, or ideas, i find myself always getting smaller.  a smaller idea, a smaller scope, a smaller cast of characters, a smaller movement vocabulary.  one might also call this focusing.  this too feels better at times (clearer) than others (less inclusive, less relatable).  creating anything, no matter how rough, necessarily decreases the possibilities available in the imagination for the said work - it gives it bounds.  and in editing, i find myself decreasing the possibilities even further, until, as noted above, the bits of the dances seem inevitable, as if "they could go nowhere else."

it's tough business.  it feels great, it feels bleh, it feels frustrating, but no one else can do my work, so i might as well do it, right?  you too.

The Way We Danced 'Til Three: a trailer

this has been floating around facebook for a couple of days now, but for those of you who are less addicted to social media than most of my generation, here's a trailer for the show... enjoy!

the more important it is, the harder it is to get there. you might as well get out of your own way.

Reflection for the day:

Like a magnetized needle floating on a surface of oil, 

Resistance will unfailingly point to true North—mean- 

ing that calling or action it most wants to stop us from doing. 

We can use this. We can use it as a compass. We can 

navigate by Resistance, letting it guide us to that calling 

or action that we must follow before all others. 

Rule of thumb: The more important a call or action is 

to our soul's evolution, the more Resistance we will feel 

toward pursuing it. 

                                -Steven Pressfield

There are always logistics.  Getting the funding for a project.  Getting the right people involved.  Getting the right people to commit to the project.  For me, finding rehearsal times that work for all those right people.  And then finding space to hold those rehearsals.  And then finding affordable space to hold those rehearsals.  Teaching myself about copyright law.  Obtaining the licenses for the music, certificates for the liability insurance, the technical documents.  Finding someone to light the show - someone who will create with the same vision I have.  Creating the digital and print artwork (or, finding someone to do it for me.  Ditto the "same vision" issue).  There are always, always, more logistics.

And then there are the more insidious barriers to the artistic process.  Often they work in tandem with the logistics.  The project isn't important enough to devote this much time to, when I could be working/taking class/auditioning/giving my friends the attention they deserve/watching tv.  Or, who am I to ask time and money of people for my artistic pursuit?  What do I have to say that's so important?  What do I really know about choreography anyway?  Or even, here I am, saying I'm telling the stories of 20- and 30-somethings in their romantic experience, but I'm only one 25-year-old with one romantic experience, so what do I really know?  Maybe I'm just pretending that this stuff is universal.  Maybe I'm a stereotype and my friends and family are just obligatorily supportive.   

And even writing this right now - maybe no one cares.  Jaema you're such a whiney so-called "artist."  Everyone has to deal with logistics.  And self-doubt.

Well, some of that is true - everyone does have to deal with logistics, and self-doubt.  And any artistic process is going to have its difficulties.  And I choose to do it anyway, and I choose to do with with grace, and with gratitude for the people who are invested and committed to the project (because there are a bunch of them... four incredible dance artists, a fantastic lighting designer, and many many enthusiastic audience members and financial and emotional backers).  Perhaps I just look at these challenges as sure-fire signs that I'm doing the right thing - this is what my artistic calling is, at this moment.

I guess what I'm saying is that I share this to share my own experience with the power of choice.  If you're doing something important, there's going to be trouble.  I can't help the logistical challenges, but I can change the voice in the back of my head from whiney and doubtful to grateful, graceful, and powerful.  I challenge anyone to try that attitude on, and see what happens.

And regardless, I'm gonna put on this show, and that voice is going to power through.  See you then.