after dwelling on gratitude the other day, i thought i should throw the other side of the story out there. sometimes i feel SO blessed, SO lucky, that when i get down in the mouth about things i feel like laughing at myself (cue dick van dyke... anyone?) because it's ridiculous that a person who has had so much provided in life should feel angsty/angry/disappointed. and then the guilt sets in, because i feel bad that i'm not just making the most of all i have to be grateful for.
then that gets pretty crippling, too, because as i'm sure you know, guilt isn't a very creative emotion. and while i obviously think having a little perspective (ie, i grew up in a beautiful town in the midwest with this loving family who sent me to this fantastic college and then supported me when i moved halfway across the country, etc, which is just a little easier than growing up, say, in a third-world country with a single parent) is important, the truth is, that shouldn't be a limiting factor. in fact, it's pretty snotty to allow it to be a limiting factor, considering all i've been 'given.' pretty vicious cycle, huh? well then. back to the start.
once again, it all comes down to: creating. not because of anything, not in spite of anything, just making something for the sake of making something.
in the spirit of creating, i reworked The Way We Danced 'Til Three, with some holes, for eight performers. i sat in central park with my ipod and my notebook and didn't let myself get up until i had an outline. nearly three hours later i was a little stiff and hungry, but the skeleton is there! more to come on that, soon.
June 22, 2011
June 20, 2011
reflections on one year of full-time creativity
it has been just over a year since i began my leave of absence and started doing this artistic thing full-time. and what a year it has been! life as an artist has presented an interesting host of challenges, and while i by no means have it figured out (just ask my savings account...) i have stumbled upon some encouraging bits of wisdom from others. you know that mindlessly anxious / lazy / jittery / tired / forgettingsomething / i'vebeenwaitinginlinetoolong feeling? no? uh let's trade lives. yes? then you know what i'm getting at here, and it's what author Steven Pressfield calls Resistance. he looks at living a creative life as a battle. in a dramatic way, he says
"The artist ... has to know how to be miserable. He has to love being miserable. He has to take pride in being more miserable than any soldier or swabbie or jet jockey. Because this is war, baby. And war is hell."
but it's kind of true, you know? I look at the obvious, boring, stereotypical things that i worry about on a day-to-day basis (how much money am i making? will auditions ever go well? am i working hard enough? is anyone ever going to WANT to pay money to see stuff that i create? do i look stupid? does this outfit look crazy?) and i think you have to get to a point where you're just so tired of hearing it, in your head, every day, and you just have to "do" it anyway. life, i mean. i also get paralyzed with anxiety (aka fear) over some of the slightly-less-stereotypical issues my life choices are presenting. (and i do only mean slightly. clearly i'm not struck by plights that the rest of humanity isn't also dealing with. stick with me, i'm still in my 20s, i'm not that mature yet.) such as: would i be making more of an impact on the world if i were doing something else? am i too hard on myself? do i push myself far enough? where's that line? could i be more inspiring to the people around me if i were xyz? is this really what my life's work should be? yikes.
which is why i feel really encouraged when he writes
"Self-doubt can be an ally. This is because it serves as an indicator of aspiration. It reflects love, love of something we dream of doing, and desire, desire to do it. If you find yourself asking yourself (and your friends), "Am I really a writer? Am I really an artist?" chances are you are.
The counterfeit innovator is wildly self-confident. The real one is scared to death."
okay. so the fear is apparently a good thing. and i'm going for it anyway. it's not a matter of feeling supremely confident. or stopping the endless questions in my head. it's about not really listening and just focusing on the task at hand: creating. and i'm learning that when i rearrange my thinking and decide to just go with this creative path, it kind of breaks down and i actually get to be flooded with...
gratitude.
and that's WAY nicer. i just get to feel unbelievably grateful for the city i'm in, the friendly guy in the deli on the corner, my amazingly talented and fun siblings, my friends who still somehow love me even though i'm bad at calling them, this healthy 25-year-old body that is imperfect and wonderfully useful.
so here's to year two of being a professional artist, full of fear, full of gratitude, workin' it out anyway. who's with me?!
"The artist ... has to know how to be miserable. He has to love being miserable. He has to take pride in being more miserable than any soldier or swabbie or jet jockey. Because this is war, baby. And war is hell."
but it's kind of true, you know? I look at the obvious, boring, stereotypical things that i worry about on a day-to-day basis (how much money am i making? will auditions ever go well? am i working hard enough? is anyone ever going to WANT to pay money to see stuff that i create? do i look stupid? does this outfit look crazy?) and i think you have to get to a point where you're just so tired of hearing it, in your head, every day, and you just have to "do" it anyway. life, i mean. i also get paralyzed with anxiety (aka fear) over some of the slightly-less-stereotypical issues my life choices are presenting. (and i do only mean slightly. clearly i'm not struck by plights that the rest of humanity isn't also dealing with. stick with me, i'm still in my 20s, i'm not that mature yet.) such as: would i be making more of an impact on the world if i were doing something else? am i too hard on myself? do i push myself far enough? where's that line? could i be more inspiring to the people around me if i were xyz? is this really what my life's work should be? yikes.
which is why i feel really encouraged when he writes
"Self-doubt can be an ally. This is because it serves as an indicator of aspiration. It reflects love, love of something we dream of doing, and desire, desire to do it. If you find yourself asking yourself (and your friends), "Am I really a writer? Am I really an artist?" chances are you are.
The counterfeit innovator is wildly self-confident. The real one is scared to death."
okay. so the fear is apparently a good thing. and i'm going for it anyway. it's not a matter of feeling supremely confident. or stopping the endless questions in my head. it's about not really listening and just focusing on the task at hand: creating. and i'm learning that when i rearrange my thinking and decide to just go with this creative path, it kind of breaks down and i actually get to be flooded with...
gratitude.
and that's WAY nicer. i just get to feel unbelievably grateful for the city i'm in, the friendly guy in the deli on the corner, my amazingly talented and fun siblings, my friends who still somehow love me even though i'm bad at calling them, this healthy 25-year-old body that is imperfect and wonderfully useful.
so here's to year two of being a professional artist, full of fear, full of gratitude, workin' it out anyway. who's with me?!
more transitions.
(moved from jaemajoydance.com on june 20th)
march 24th, 2011
well well! it's been awhile. and i have some updates!
as i put all over facebook, i presented an excerpt of "The Way We Danced 'Til Three" at Dance New Amsterdam in january for their "works in progress" showing series. it was a lot of fun, it felt wonderful to get some rehearsal going (props to the ever lovely nicole west and michala stock for learning the dance in... oh... three rehearsals), and it was sneakily videotaped for me and you can find it right here!
also in january, i was lucky enough to perform work of the talented and wonderful jenny shore butler. it was a fun and rewarding process, an amazing opportunity to dance with some old friends (and new ones!), and i'm proud of what we created!
and finally, as mentioned below, i've been working on my 50 days of choreography for 2011. yes, geeks, it's true, there have been way more than 50 days in 2011 so far. i haven't quiiiiiite done it every day. but i'm pushing through to 50! and i've been playing with interesting constraints. last year, i did most of my work in the studio of my gym, which had wood floors, mirrors, normal dance studio-y stuff. this year, the fitness center in my building has been the site of most of my creation, but the floors are recycled rubber nonsense (aka, sticky as maple syrup that dribbled on your counter) so i've been not only working around that, but taking advantage of other less dance-designed spaces to get a little movement out! i get weird looks everywhere. sometimes i stop and say to myself "this is why people think new yorkers are crazy." i'm clearly reveling in the sweet anonymity of this city. see a little highlight reel of what i've done so far under choreography.
that's it for now. hopefully much more news soon - i submitted a bunch of applications this week for spring and summer fun, both excerpts of old work and proposals for a BRAND NEW work that my brain is stewing on... (yikes!) cross your fingers and i'll keep you posted!
december 29th, 2010 - news and reflections
the blizzard that knocked out all of NYC has had an unexpectedly lovely side effect: i am stuck at home in michigan until new year's eve!
what does that mean?
it is time to dwell on a new year's resolution for 2011. for the past few years, i have done a "january resolution," with the thought that devoting myself to something for a month will influence my mindset for the year to follow. after all, as aristotle said:
"we are what we repeatedly do. excellence, therefore, is not an act, but a habit."
last year i did 31 days of choreography. it was an exercise. i decided to CREATE with no express purpose, no specific goal other than to just get it out there. miraculously, some of it was usable, and it ended up feeding a lot of the work i did for "The Way We Danced 'Til Three." (see what i mean.)
without even concentrating on it, i really think it did affect my mindset for an entire year.
i've had some time to reflect on that, and a huge theme of 2010 for me is just how powerful it is to develop creativity as a habit. a little over a year ago, a good friend turned me on to a TED talk by elizabeth gilbert. (consider listening. it's really good.)
she talks about how in ancient greece and rome, the idea was that creativity did not come from human beings. there were these divine spirits, these "geniuses," who were attendant spirits to us mere humans walking the earth. they could, at any time, work through the human beings they attended to create extraordinary work. but it was the spirit that was the "genius," not the human. and how to get the genius to come through in your work? well, there's nothing to do but show up and get working. if you don't work, the genius has no chance to descend upon you and make something brilliant with you. so you just gotta show up.
so the goal, ultimately, is to make creative work-- creativity--a habit. a day-in, day-out activity that i don't think about, i don't judge, i don't dread, i don't carve out special time for... i just DO.
so 2011. i've done 31 days... let's make it 50!
elizabeth gilbert also talks a bit about fear as a response to devoting one's life to creative pursuits. i've felt that firsthand this year. when i started working for accenture and dove into that life, no one asked me if i was worried about that, or afraid of doing that as a CAREER. but choreography? of course! everyone is wondering about whether or not this is a good idea, and jaema aren't you worried about that, and jaema do you have some backup ideas? is that going to be a CAREER?
i sure hope so! and i mean sure. there's not *quite* as much financial security in choreography as there is in supply chain consulting. but i'm still the same person, with the same education, the same strenghts, the same skills... and maybe more determination.
other than reflecting, what else have i been doing?
uploading video, of course! there's gorgeous video footage of "The Way We Danced 'Til Three up and ready for action. i rearranged the site a little bit, too, and there are some other little goodies posted along the way (including an updated resume! download and send to all your well-connected friends from the bio page! haha).
that's all for now, friends. browse and enjoy and let me know what you think! and most of all.... HAPPY NEW YEAR to all of you and yours.
march 24th, 2011
well well! it's been awhile. and i have some updates!
as i put all over facebook, i presented an excerpt of "The Way We Danced 'Til Three" at Dance New Amsterdam in january for their "works in progress" showing series. it was a lot of fun, it felt wonderful to get some rehearsal going (props to the ever lovely nicole west and michala stock for learning the dance in... oh... three rehearsals), and it was sneakily videotaped for me and you can find it right here!
also in january, i was lucky enough to perform work of the talented and wonderful jenny shore butler. it was a fun and rewarding process, an amazing opportunity to dance with some old friends (and new ones!), and i'm proud of what we created!
and finally, as mentioned below, i've been working on my 50 days of choreography for 2011. yes, geeks, it's true, there have been way more than 50 days in 2011 so far. i haven't quiiiiiite done it every day. but i'm pushing through to 50! and i've been playing with interesting constraints. last year, i did most of my work in the studio of my gym, which had wood floors, mirrors, normal dance studio-y stuff. this year, the fitness center in my building has been the site of most of my creation, but the floors are recycled rubber nonsense (aka, sticky as maple syrup that dribbled on your counter) so i've been not only working around that, but taking advantage of other less dance-designed spaces to get a little movement out! i get weird looks everywhere. sometimes i stop and say to myself "this is why people think new yorkers are crazy." i'm clearly reveling in the sweet anonymity of this city. see a little highlight reel of what i've done so far under choreography.
that's it for now. hopefully much more news soon - i submitted a bunch of applications this week for spring and summer fun, both excerpts of old work and proposals for a BRAND NEW work that my brain is stewing on... (yikes!) cross your fingers and i'll keep you posted!
december 29th, 2010 - news and reflections
the blizzard that knocked out all of NYC has had an unexpectedly lovely side effect: i am stuck at home in michigan until new year's eve!
what does that mean?
it is time to dwell on a new year's resolution for 2011. for the past few years, i have done a "january resolution," with the thought that devoting myself to something for a month will influence my mindset for the year to follow. after all, as aristotle said:
"we are what we repeatedly do. excellence, therefore, is not an act, but a habit."
last year i did 31 days of choreography. it was an exercise. i decided to CREATE with no express purpose, no specific goal other than to just get it out there. miraculously, some of it was usable, and it ended up feeding a lot of the work i did for "The Way We Danced 'Til Three." (see what i mean.)
without even concentrating on it, i really think it did affect my mindset for an entire year.
i've had some time to reflect on that, and a huge theme of 2010 for me is just how powerful it is to develop creativity as a habit. a little over a year ago, a good friend turned me on to a TED talk by elizabeth gilbert. (consider listening. it's really good.)
she talks about how in ancient greece and rome, the idea was that creativity did not come from human beings. there were these divine spirits, these "geniuses," who were attendant spirits to us mere humans walking the earth. they could, at any time, work through the human beings they attended to create extraordinary work. but it was the spirit that was the "genius," not the human. and how to get the genius to come through in your work? well, there's nothing to do but show up and get working. if you don't work, the genius has no chance to descend upon you and make something brilliant with you. so you just gotta show up.
so the goal, ultimately, is to make creative work-- creativity--a habit. a day-in, day-out activity that i don't think about, i don't judge, i don't dread, i don't carve out special time for... i just DO.
so 2011. i've done 31 days... let's make it 50!
elizabeth gilbert also talks a bit about fear as a response to devoting one's life to creative pursuits. i've felt that firsthand this year. when i started working for accenture and dove into that life, no one asked me if i was worried about that, or afraid of doing that as a CAREER. but choreography? of course! everyone is wondering about whether or not this is a good idea, and jaema aren't you worried about that, and jaema do you have some backup ideas? is that going to be a CAREER?
i sure hope so! and i mean sure. there's not *quite* as much financial security in choreography as there is in supply chain consulting. but i'm still the same person, with the same education, the same strenghts, the same skills... and maybe more determination.
other than reflecting, what else have i been doing?
uploading video, of course! there's gorgeous video footage of "The Way We Danced 'Til Three up and ready for action. i rearranged the site a little bit, too, and there are some other little goodies posted along the way (including an updated resume! download and send to all your well-connected friends from the bio page! haha).
that's all for now, friends. browse and enjoy and let me know what you think! and most of all.... HAPPY NEW YEAR to all of you and yours.
transitions.
i'm moving my website material over to an actual "blog" format. makes it easier to work with, you pretty people can comment on stuff, etc. so for now, here's some old news from jaemajoydance.com
november 15th, 2010
HEADLINE: first presentation of choreography by jaema joy berry in the Big Apple. it's official! saturday, january 29th, 2011, at Dance New Amsterdam, as part of their "Works in Progress" series.
the performance will be an excerpt of "The Way We Danced 'Til Three," called "Though They Take You." i'm excited to hone in on a little chunk of the show and get into rehearsal again! more information to come as we get closer to january!
also upcoming: video from "'Til Three" will be up soon - stay tuned!
september 14, 2010 - Announcements!
well well! finally i have a few moments to breathe and a few moments to update.
first:
"The Way We Danced 'Til Three" was a WONDERFUL experience and a big success-- so much love to the wonderful people working on the show, the audience members, my family, etc etc etc etc.
much more information on the show to come, but in the meantime, here are a few photos from Garen Checkley, a TimeOut feature article, and a SeeChicagoDance feature article.
video clips of the show and more pictures, etc, will be coming in the next couple of weeks. hard to believe we closed a month ago!
second:
lots of personal stuff happening in that month, too. the biggest news being:
i no longer live in chicago.
that's right. as much as i adore the windy city, the dance scene there, the wonderful people that live there, and the midwest in general, i've packed up and i'm headed to new york city.
sooooo what does that mean, exactly? first off, it means a shift in focus away from full-length choreography, at least until i get settled. and financially squared away. (ha.) it also means that when i rework TWWDTT (and that's the plan!) it will be for an entirely new audience, with entirely new dancers (although let's be real, if i could fly my old cast to nyc to do the show with me i would do it in a heartbeat.) it also means (and get excited... cheryl, allison, this is for you) that i'm working on turning my news page here into something a little more "bloggish" so that i can keep everyone updated. cheryl tells me there are ways to do this in a much more sophisticated way and link it to the almighty facebook, etc, but despite my engineering degree i'm a little old-fashioned when it comes to the blogosphere, so for right now, this is it. and i'll put a link on facebook which is probably how you all came here to read it anyway.
right now, though, right this minute, i'm in my childhood home in traverse city, MI, because moving to nyc is proving to be more complicated than previously imagined. apparently my lovely new building in brooklyn hasn't gotten cleared with the Dept of Buildings, so they're stringing me and my roommates along as we wait to actually get IN the building. feeling lucky to be able to hang out with my parents and dance at Dance Arts and soak in a little lake michigan before i go... but i'm kinda chompin' at the bit here. you know?
more more more to come.
july 29, 2010
it's almost here! we had a visit during rehearsal yesterday from Zac Whittenburg, dance editor for TimeOut Chicago. keep your eyes peeled for our listing in the magazine!
we also have a Facebook event... invite your friends!
july 20, 2010
"The Way We Danced 'Til Three" opens in three weeks! we could not be more excited. keep checking in for information, press, and artwork for the show. it will all be HERE!
june 3, 2010
hello friends! a couple of updates:
- "The Way We Danced Til Three" is officially opening at the Fasseas White Box Theatre at the Drucker Center on August 13, 2010! More information to come.
- Rehearsals for said production began on Sunday, May 23rd. The dancers are looking fantastic and everyone is getting excited about the show. Huge thanks to Visceral Dance Center and Skyline Dance for opening their doors to us for rehearsals!
- In personal news, I have officially taken a leave of absence from my position as a supply chain consultant. It's all dancing, all the time for me now! I could not be happier.
- See some production photos and promotional material from "You Can't Dance Out the Side of Your Mouth" here. Check back for an upcoming choreography reel, new photos, and a sneak peek of some new material for the show. Lots is on the docket!
february 26, 2010
well, here it is! my very own website!
I also have my very own facebook fan page. be a fan!
i still have exciting things to add, so stay tuned. but for the moment, click around and enjoy. and feel free to let me know what you think!
november 15th, 2010
HEADLINE: first presentation of choreography by jaema joy berry in the Big Apple. it's official! saturday, january 29th, 2011, at Dance New Amsterdam, as part of their "Works in Progress" series.
the performance will be an excerpt of "The Way We Danced 'Til Three," called "Though They Take You." i'm excited to hone in on a little chunk of the show and get into rehearsal again! more information to come as we get closer to january!
also upcoming: video from "'Til Three" will be up soon - stay tuned!
september 14, 2010 - Announcements!
well well! finally i have a few moments to breathe and a few moments to update.
first:
"The Way We Danced 'Til Three" was a WONDERFUL experience and a big success-- so much love to the wonderful people working on the show, the audience members, my family, etc etc etc etc.
much more information on the show to come, but in the meantime, here are a few photos from Garen Checkley, a TimeOut feature article, and a SeeChicagoDance feature article.
video clips of the show and more pictures, etc, will be coming in the next couple of weeks. hard to believe we closed a month ago!
second:
lots of personal stuff happening in that month, too. the biggest news being:
i no longer live in chicago.
that's right. as much as i adore the windy city, the dance scene there, the wonderful people that live there, and the midwest in general, i've packed up and i'm headed to new york city.
sooooo what does that mean, exactly? first off, it means a shift in focus away from full-length choreography, at least until i get settled. and financially squared away. (ha.) it also means that when i rework TWWDTT (and that's the plan!) it will be for an entirely new audience, with entirely new dancers (although let's be real, if i could fly my old cast to nyc to do the show with me i would do it in a heartbeat.) it also means (and get excited... cheryl, allison, this is for you) that i'm working on turning my news page here into something a little more "bloggish" so that i can keep everyone updated. cheryl tells me there are ways to do this in a much more sophisticated way and link it to the almighty facebook, etc, but despite my engineering degree i'm a little old-fashioned when it comes to the blogosphere, so for right now, this is it. and i'll put a link on facebook which is probably how you all came here to read it anyway.
right now, though, right this minute, i'm in my childhood home in traverse city, MI, because moving to nyc is proving to be more complicated than previously imagined. apparently my lovely new building in brooklyn hasn't gotten cleared with the Dept of Buildings, so they're stringing me and my roommates along as we wait to actually get IN the building. feeling lucky to be able to hang out with my parents and dance at Dance Arts and soak in a little lake michigan before i go... but i'm kinda chompin' at the bit here. you know?
more more more to come.
july 29, 2010
it's almost here! we had a visit during rehearsal yesterday from Zac Whittenburg, dance editor for TimeOut Chicago. keep your eyes peeled for our listing in the magazine!
we also have a Facebook event... invite your friends!
july 20, 2010
"The Way We Danced 'Til Three" opens in three weeks! we could not be more excited. keep checking in for information, press, and artwork for the show. it will all be HERE!
june 3, 2010
hello friends! a couple of updates:
- "The Way We Danced Til Three" is officially opening at the Fasseas White Box Theatre at the Drucker Center on August 13, 2010! More information to come.
- Rehearsals for said production began on Sunday, May 23rd. The dancers are looking fantastic and everyone is getting excited about the show. Huge thanks to Visceral Dance Center and Skyline Dance for opening their doors to us for rehearsals!
- In personal news, I have officially taken a leave of absence from my position as a supply chain consultant. It's all dancing, all the time for me now! I could not be happier.
- See some production photos and promotional material from "You Can't Dance Out the Side of Your Mouth" here. Check back for an upcoming choreography reel, new photos, and a sneak peek of some new material for the show. Lots is on the docket!
february 26, 2010
well, here it is! my very own website!
I also have my very own facebook fan page. be a fan!
i still have exciting things to add, so stay tuned. but for the moment, click around and enjoy. and feel free to let me know what you think!
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