movement /= body image. (or, my yoga practice is not sexy.)

i read a blog post yesterday about the body image and yoga.   it's a well-thought-out plea to the yoga community to take responsibility for the "yoga goddess" image as an ideal fed to the yoga-practicing masses in a similar way that over-sexualized clothing and behavior is fed to adolescent girls.  i see the point.  i guess what causes me to write is that my experience of yoga has been so different than the pressure-filled experience portrayed in this article.

i understand that yoga is about putting one's body into different postures and through different movements.  the focus is on your own practice and how your body feels and responds from one day to the next.  your fullest expression of a pose on monday may be very different than thursday's fullest expression.  what my yoga practice has taught me most of all is how rewarding it is to have patience with my body and myself and to enjoy the practice TODAY.  maybe something new is available today.  maybe i can't go as deeply into this pose today, but i can actually learn from a tightness and find a clearer alignment here today. 

i'm not shoved in front of a wall of mirrors during my yoga practice.  i'm not asked to perform trikonasana alongside other women in order to judge who does it the best.  my ability to get a job, to have a strong performance, to be "good" is in no way dependent on my weight, my strength, my flexibility, or a shape my body can make.  my presence is the only important thing, and i am entirely responsible for that in a way that i am not responsible for, say, my height.

i also don't see yoga as a workout.  it is a strengthening practice, it increases my flexibility, and i mean yeah, i sweat a lot.  but the benefit of a yoga class is the experience of the physical practice, not about TORCHING CALORIES or getting sexy and bendy.  i love a great heart-pounding workout, too, don't get me wrong.  but it's just different. 

yes, i wear tight clothing to yoga.  i do wear a lot of lululemon.  this actually is more about the functionality of the clothing for what i'm doing and the reduction of distractions than it is about presenting a certain aesthetic.  if large t-shirts didn't fall over my face during practice, if i didn't have to adjust comfy baggy sweatpants every time i lunged, if cotton didn't bag out and make me sweatier, i would happily wear any old thing to yoga.  additionally, i wear what i wear because i am in a privileged position to be able to wear "high-end" athletic clothing, and i take advantage of that because i like it for how it feels and how it doesn't distract me.  it's not about how i look.  i am aware that it is most definitely a luxury and a privilege, and i am extremely grateful.  it does not define my yoga practice.  it does not define yoga.  (and beyond that, is lululemon more provocative than, say, speedo?  they both make super-tight, technical clothing for athletic use.  i know that's a broad comparison, and my point is just that wearing clothing that doesn't alter the shape of a body is not an inherently harmful thing.)

yoga is the same practice whether i am happy, peaceful, depressed, or struggling with a change-filled part of my life.  it is always a focus on the present moment and leaning into whatever physical or emotional state i am in, be it tight hips or career anxiety.  in fact, using the physical body as a metaphor helps me bring more space and peace into my outside life mentally/emotionally.  i can be having a really crappy day and yoga doesn't fix anything.  yoga can, however, encourage me to choose to stop running away from the crappyness, just as i choose to not jump out of hanumanasana, even though i usually want to.  that's an important distinction.

perhaps my relationship with yoga and with my yoga practice is personally positive because it occurs in contrast to how i relate to my dancing - or more specifically, to how i have related to my dancing from my childhood through to my adulthood.  maybe that's more of a reflection on my body-image-dance-relationship than it is on yoga.  i feel very strongly, though, that the caring, knowledgeable, wonderful women who are my yoga instructors and friends paint a beautiful picture of real diverse women who share a physical practice.  they have taken on a responsibility called for in the above article. i have much gratitude and love for the teachers in my life.

just because something is about body consciousness doesn't mean it has to be about body self-consciousness or body image.  my yoga practice is not about how hot i am, how good my butt looks in leggings, how spiritually pure and happy i am, or how strong or balanced i am.  my yoga practice is about patience, discovery, and enjoying each delicious present moment.

setting goals

i work for a company that focuses a lot of attention on goal-setting.  i was, as you can imagine, rather skeptical of this. i've been a hard worker and a reasonably high achiever most of my young life, and i thought i was doing just fine without writing down some goals, thank you very much.

rewind three years.  i was working 80 hours, seven days a week for most of the summer.  (once i had a sunday off.  i cried with relief while i walked to the Lincoln Park farmer's market.  and then i cried more that afternoon because i was so stressed i was too checked out.  sick, but i know you know what i mean.)  at some point during august 2009, i wrote out a few lines on a piece of notebook paper and stuck it in a journal.  and it turns out, those were my first written goals.  (i told this story last year.)

this goal-setting thing has become an incredibly rewarding process for me.  i just rewrote my goals again, today.  i got to cross off a few (hosting a get-together in my apartment in nyc? check.  running a half marathon? almost check! presenting an evening-length dance work to over 300 people in new york city? CHECK.  talk about jolt of confidence!)  the editing process is enlightening - it's a chance to sit back and celebrate what i have accomplished, notice where i have fallen short, and find out how my priorities have shifted since those goals were written.  it's interesting - the core 10-years-from-now-i-want-this things have stayed the same in the past two years since i've been writing and rewriting my goals, but the little things change all the time.  (100 mile bike ride lost out to running a half marathon, as pointed out by an ever-inspiring pal. freestanding handstand disappeared, presenting work in new york happened a year and a half before my goal deadline.  having children backed up a couple years...haha.)

and i'd like to share a few of my current goals.  gotta put them out in the universe, you know?

i present brand new work in a dance festival by december 2012.
i choreograph a musical in new york by july 2013.
i pay off credit card debt by october 2013.
i raise a puppy by july 2014.

phew. readysetgo.