That's right.
dancestatsonline.com
The experiment is online in full interactive glory, and we're continuing the conversation here! I'll continue to update this post with questions and comments from our new expanded audience. Check back soon...
Showing posts with label jaema berry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jaema berry. Show all posts
April 22, 2017
August 28, 2013
getting uncomfortably uncomfortable
i'm working on this project. it's one of those pieces of art that's about art. i never thought i'd make one of those. but here i am. the thesis question is "what holds you back from making the kind of art you want to make?"
now, the more appropriate question might be "what doesn't hold you back," but i digress. despite the news about struggling dance institutions, lack of public funding for dance, lack of time, lack of space, 99.9999% of what holds us back is us. we all know that. and that's what i'm interested in.
so i've boldly set out creating a dance film (a medium i've never worked in before) to explore a creative-process narrative (subject matter i've never danced about before) with a sports-media-video-journalist (who i've never worked with before and has never filmed dance before) incorporating more improvisation and less rehearsal than i've ever worked with before. all in the name of NEW ART. and PUSHING MYSELF.
and you know what? i hate it.
in rehearsal today i felt confused, frustrated, unclear as a director, uncertain if i should be doing this project at all, unsure i can pull it off/do it justice, embarrassed, sorry for my dancers, and sluggish. for the whole two hours.
i like to play the part of a high-minded artist. it turns out, i feel a lot better when i'm engineering-school-prepared. but i mean, that's not really a surprise. and when i decided to try this very un-jaema creative process, throwing myself into things i don't know, i knew it was going to be uncomfortable. that was the point! and still, STILL, when discomfort creeps up during the artmaking, i freak out. i knew this was coming, and somehow i expected the awareness to be enough to fight off the anxiety and allow me to create freely. it doesn't work.
so here i am, slouched on my couch on a wednesday night, stressing about rehearsal in the morning and two filming sessions next week. i see three options.
1. i cancel everything.
2. i get out a notebook and do what i've always done for every piece i create... write out everything that happens. stage directions. choreography notes. music cues. i go to rehearsal comfortable, prepared, and confident.
3. i show up to rehearsal tomorrow with an open mind, plow through the blegh in my mind, film a bunch of stuff next week, and hope for the best.
okay, so, we throw out number one, because it's totally lame. now number two... is very tempting. i know how that works. i'm pretty good at that one. but how do i create something completely different and completely new and completely uncontrolled if i do what i've always done? alrighty, so number three. that's a scary option, because it didn't work today at all. and how smart is it to walk into rehearsal tomorrow with the same kind of preparation (lots of thought, not a lot of specifics) that i had today, knowing how it turned out?
i suppose my bigger question is: how useful is the discomfort i feel? is the battle about letting go of control (which i consider positive for this project)? or is it discomfort of ill-preparedness and therefore mediocrity? am i so trapped in these questions that i'm not even creative anymore? is this really even my project? is it really even dance?
who knows. i'm not sure. for now, i commit to you, internet, to lean into the confusion and see how it goes. fortunately, the only thing i am certain of happens to be my definition of an artist - i refuse option number one. over and over again, i refuse it.
now, the more appropriate question might be "what doesn't hold you back," but i digress. despite the news about struggling dance institutions, lack of public funding for dance, lack of time, lack of space, 99.9999% of what holds us back is us. we all know that. and that's what i'm interested in.
so i've boldly set out creating a dance film (a medium i've never worked in before) to explore a creative-process narrative (subject matter i've never danced about before) with a sports-media-video-journalist (who i've never worked with before and has never filmed dance before) incorporating more improvisation and less rehearsal than i've ever worked with before. all in the name of NEW ART. and PUSHING MYSELF.
and you know what? i hate it.
in rehearsal today i felt confused, frustrated, unclear as a director, uncertain if i should be doing this project at all, unsure i can pull it off/do it justice, embarrassed, sorry for my dancers, and sluggish. for the whole two hours.
 |
| pretty sure i can see the discomfort in my eyes even here. it was that kind of a day. |
i like to play the part of a high-minded artist. it turns out, i feel a lot better when i'm engineering-school-prepared. but i mean, that's not really a surprise. and when i decided to try this very un-jaema creative process, throwing myself into things i don't know, i knew it was going to be uncomfortable. that was the point! and still, STILL, when discomfort creeps up during the artmaking, i freak out. i knew this was coming, and somehow i expected the awareness to be enough to fight off the anxiety and allow me to create freely. it doesn't work.
so here i am, slouched on my couch on a wednesday night, stressing about rehearsal in the morning and two filming sessions next week. i see three options.
1. i cancel everything.
2. i get out a notebook and do what i've always done for every piece i create... write out everything that happens. stage directions. choreography notes. music cues. i go to rehearsal comfortable, prepared, and confident.
3. i show up to rehearsal tomorrow with an open mind, plow through the blegh in my mind, film a bunch of stuff next week, and hope for the best.
okay, so, we throw out number one, because it's totally lame. now number two... is very tempting. i know how that works. i'm pretty good at that one. but how do i create something completely different and completely new and completely uncontrolled if i do what i've always done? alrighty, so number three. that's a scary option, because it didn't work today at all. and how smart is it to walk into rehearsal tomorrow with the same kind of preparation (lots of thought, not a lot of specifics) that i had today, knowing how it turned out?
i suppose my bigger question is: how useful is the discomfort i feel? is the battle about letting go of control (which i consider positive for this project)? or is it discomfort of ill-preparedness and therefore mediocrity? am i so trapped in these questions that i'm not even creative anymore? is this really even my project? is it really even dance?
who knows. i'm not sure. for now, i commit to you, internet, to lean into the confusion and see how it goes. fortunately, the only thing i am certain of happens to be my definition of an artist - i refuse option number one. over and over again, i refuse it.
July 19, 2013
eight hours of creative time
isn't it interesting how what you put out in the universe comes back to you? after i finished TWWDTT last year, i found myself yearning for collaborative art. i also got so curious about the impermanence of my art form. live performance is there, in time, and then it's gone. this is why we love it, of course. but it also creates a bit of sadness for me -- we work so hard for so long on a project, and in four hours spread over two days, it's over.
so fast-forward to about six weeks ago: a friend called me up and said "i was given a certificate for eight consecutive hours of rehearsal space in manhattan. do you want it?"
um, yes i do.
i decided to take this as a sign. the vague project idea (a dance film?!) in my head suddenly had a start date: july 13th, 2013.
more on the project itself later. for now, stop and think about what EIGHT CONSECUTIVE HOURS in a dance studio means. that's an incredible opportunity. it's like going to the office for the day. some of my dancers were out of town, so i had short rehearsals and ended up with a lot of time for myself. alone. in a big studio. staring myself down in the mirror.
in the spirit of embracing things i fear, i'm sharing the experience with you. i took notes, and i took almost an hour and a half of video footage. (which i conveniently edited down to a bite-size five minutes, don't worry.) i have to admit, i'm a little wary of the "artist showing the process" thing, because it can take away the mystery of the creative process and let an audience in before you want their input. but i trust you. and bear with me. this is not a finished product - this is an experiment to develop something new, and an exercise in sharing the thought processes that are the less-charming part of the artistic brain. here's what the day was like:
eight hours to create.
9:30am - I am on the C train. i want to go back to bed. "Resistance" is going for the kill. My body doesn't feel like moving. There seems to be an inordinate amount of that kind of resistance with this project. It's always hard to know the difference between the kind of resistance that is helpful, guiding me steven pressfield - style towards the projects my soul needs... And the kind of resistance that means you're not supposed to be doing this, you're in over your head. Maybe thinking the latter type exists at all is a construct of the former type.
I'm scared that this venue will kick me out because they'll see I'm a fraud, not deserving of nice rehearsal space.
I'm scared that no one will give me any trouble but that I won't get anything productive done. Or anything innovative. Or anything worth showing to anyone.
As of yesterday, all the ideas and music concepts and shots I wanted to put into this project seem suddenly flat and boring - and/or too logistically challenging. But I didn't think that last week.
And there's no deadline. So I can take all the time I want! I wrote August as an initial deadline. But really for me the final cutoff is before I leave for the wedding. So let's say: this film is created, edited, and posted by September 15th 2013.
9:45am - thinking through the phrases I want to create today (at the very least, a draft of them) - a gesture phrase for the recognition that your facade has broken. It's like when you run into someone on the street who you didn't expect to see in that context. Does that make everyone else uncomfortable like it does me?
Sometimes in dance classes, when I surprise myself with what I can do... in a physical way that happens in dance, in yoga, during a workout, on a run. Sometimes it's the intangible feeling of energy during a thunderstorm, or after a really great conversation, or when I find myself doing or thinking something I wouldn't have dreamed possible 2, or 5, or 10 years ago.... That's the feeling of the second phrase. It should be gooey.
Logistics for today as well:
-one more rehearsal or two to learn the second phrase
-practice camera shots/plan out camera shots for whole film
10:02am- I'm in! Intimidating entrance. It's right on 43rd street and there was this slim French girl smoking a cigarette outside. I followed her in and on to the elevator with like seventeen other people. We get out on the 8th floor, and everyone strides confidently past the reception desk while I'm all like high-pitched "hi there... i think i have a rehearsal booked????" The girl at reception took pity on me and was super nice.
I'm glad there's lots of furniture to move. Gives me a way to get started. I'm also glad it's just me for the first hour.
10:36am- there's no way to play music in here. Interesting.
10:54am- I wish I had some chocolate
12:22pm- First dancer just left. Felt so great to move! And to try to articulate what I'm going for here. With varied success. She talked about control vs release. I think this piece is more about control (and lack of it) than I originally realized.
12:36pm- I want to do this every day.
12:55pm- watched the video while I scarfed a little lunch. There's some good stuff in there, so today isn't a total bust.
I better do a second warmup so my body doesn't fall apart. What up, central air.
1:21pm- warm. And now nervous again. Now what?!?
1:42pm- I have about 5 seconds of choreography that I like. I'm feeling scared. What if I get super bored?! I still want chocolate. I settled for water from their filter... it's not as satisfying.
2:09pm- it's better when I'm warmer. Layered back up. Didn't Twyla Tharp say that too?
2:39pm- almost 45 minutes of dance footage recorded. I'm taking that chocolate break.
and that was it until 6pm! no more notes, just video. and as it turns out, after watching an hour of myself dancing (where most of the time i was like "wait, i don't remember doing that!!"), phrasework did appear. here's some of the video.
May 15, 2013
my own open letter to the dance community
i finally clicked through and read sydney skybetter's letter to the dance community that's been dominating my facebook newsfeed since it was published on monday. in other news, isn't it interesting that i thought i was impossibly behind, reading an op-ed two days after it was posted?
anyway. i got to the bottom of that blurb and i kinda kept scrolling, expecting there to be more to it. (where's that advice? where's the new information?) there wasn't any more, and my initial reaction is basically "well, duh..." i appreciate that we're talking about this, but this is not really news, and there have always been routes for artists to take that are different than the path described in (beloved, flawed) dance movies.
i'm not performing in a full-time company. i've never received funding for my work from outside organizations. the NEA would clearly never look at what i'm up to. i've never performed at lincoln center. or in a basketball arena. i've never been in a viral music video. i've never been reviewed by a new york newspaper. the vast majority of my dance pals haven't, either.
what i have been doing? performing work that is engaging, fun, and very different one show to the next. performing regularly, professionally, in new york city. creating my own dances, developing my own choreographic voice. training in "old-school" modern dance traditions and with contemporary dance artists of several generations that i cherish the opportunity to learn from. this is what being an artist is about. you tell stories. you learn. and most importantly, you create.
furthermore, believe it or not, people are actually interested. people are wonderful and smart, and in general, understand the art of movement much more than we dancers generally give them credit for. i have received such valuable feedback from people in my life who are acquaintances or friends of mine who don't really know much about dance... but they come to my shows. they talk with me about my work. the fund my kickstarter campaign. they think about what they see and feel. and isn't THAT what it's about? creating work that speaks to you and speaks to others?
my life as a dance artist in new york is not really glamorous, hasn't brought me fame, and i get my health insurance from a separate job. but i'm still a dance artist in new york city - which, i will say, is more than this girl ever thought possible growing up in northern michigan. i refuse to consider that anything but success.
when young dancers - from my studio growing up, from my college dance program - ask me for advice, first i chuckle, because i'm not sure they really want my advice, but then i tell them the best thing i can tell anyone: just decide to do it. you'll figure the rest out.
the point is - none of this is new. the structure of the dance world has changed, no doubt, but the changes we're discussing today are rooted more than twenty years ago, around the time most of today's young artists were born. we know that we aren't stepping into the dance world that was around for the previous generation, or the generation before that. each generation has had its own journey and its own artistic climate. we can define success as any number of things. maybe we aren't showcasing work for hundreds of art patrons at the joyce -- maybe we're touching ninety people at a little old speakeasy theatre in the east village. it's all changing. it always has been. and we know it. and we will figure it out anyway, because we're here to create.
at the end of the day, we dance because we are artists. and the essence of any artist is just having the tenacity to do it. and continue to do it. start it. do it. figure it out.
anyway. i got to the bottom of that blurb and i kinda kept scrolling, expecting there to be more to it. (where's that advice? where's the new information?) there wasn't any more, and my initial reaction is basically "well, duh..." i appreciate that we're talking about this, but this is not really news, and there have always been routes for artists to take that are different than the path described in (beloved, flawed) dance movies.
i'm not performing in a full-time company. i've never received funding for my work from outside organizations. the NEA would clearly never look at what i'm up to. i've never performed at lincoln center. or in a basketball arena. i've never been in a viral music video. i've never been reviewed by a new york newspaper. the vast majority of my dance pals haven't, either.
what i have been doing? performing work that is engaging, fun, and very different one show to the next. performing regularly, professionally, in new york city. creating my own dances, developing my own choreographic voice. training in "old-school" modern dance traditions and with contemporary dance artists of several generations that i cherish the opportunity to learn from. this is what being an artist is about. you tell stories. you learn. and most importantly, you create.
furthermore, believe it or not, people are actually interested. people are wonderful and smart, and in general, understand the art of movement much more than we dancers generally give them credit for. i have received such valuable feedback from people in my life who are acquaintances or friends of mine who don't really know much about dance... but they come to my shows. they talk with me about my work. the fund my kickstarter campaign. they think about what they see and feel. and isn't THAT what it's about? creating work that speaks to you and speaks to others?
my life as a dance artist in new york is not really glamorous, hasn't brought me fame, and i get my health insurance from a separate job. but i'm still a dance artist in new york city - which, i will say, is more than this girl ever thought possible growing up in northern michigan. i refuse to consider that anything but success.
when young dancers - from my studio growing up, from my college dance program - ask me for advice, first i chuckle, because i'm not sure they really want my advice, but then i tell them the best thing i can tell anyone: just decide to do it. you'll figure the rest out.
the point is - none of this is new. the structure of the dance world has changed, no doubt, but the changes we're discussing today are rooted more than twenty years ago, around the time most of today's young artists were born. we know that we aren't stepping into the dance world that was around for the previous generation, or the generation before that. each generation has had its own journey and its own artistic climate. we can define success as any number of things. maybe we aren't showcasing work for hundreds of art patrons at the joyce -- maybe we're touching ninety people at a little old speakeasy theatre in the east village. it's all changing. it always has been. and we know it. and we will figure it out anyway, because we're here to create.
at the end of the day, we dance because we are artists. and the essence of any artist is just having the tenacity to do it. and continue to do it. start it. do it. figure it out.
October 3, 2011
structure
all our lives, we participate in a certain sort of structure imposed from the outside. most of this is extremely helpful. we are born into a family structure. the structure of traffic laws keeps us safe while we cross the street, and while we grow up and become drivers. the education system, if we follow it, keeps us moving through its structure of grade school, middle school, high school, (applications), college, (applications), internships, (applications), (interviews), jobs.
as an upper-middle-class college grad from a good school with an engineering degree and a corporate job, i felt a continuing structure imposed socially. i worked hard at the office. i went out to bars for happy hours and football games with coworkers and friends. i went to the gym in the morning. i ordered thai food and watched tv with my roommates. i went out on dates. etc. and it was fun! and the structure was helpful, again, for propelling me in that life/career path.
but now, i've decided i want my life to be about movement and creativity and growth and gratitude. so if i'm looking at that big picture, the old structure doesn't necessarily get me there. the 18-years-old-fresh-face-in-NYC-auditioning-daily structure doesn't really apply to me, either. or even the 25-years-old-starving-artist-waiting-tables structure. and secretly i think none of us actually fit into a structure. we have to choose the parts of it that are helpful and throw out the rest.
i have a very dear friend who's currently in africa for the peace corps, and she's the one who illuminated this idea of structure for me when she said that life right now is about creating a structure for oneself instead of relying on the structure imposed socially and culturally by the well-meaning society.
there are little examples of creating one's own structure every day. for example: i'm feeling stressed, so i write a to-do list. this is structure. then i don't have to think about anything, i just work my way through my list. working within a structure that i set up allows freedom from stress and "keeping it all together." for a second example: i'm in a choreography class, and the professor gives us some wacky assignment about movement. i'm not worried about creating something artistic or my style as an artist, i just do my "assignment." and voila, i come up with something more creative than i ever would have thought of if you just locked me in a dance studio. by inserting myself as subject to the structure, i allow freedom for creative movement.
our work now, then, is to create a big-picture "structure" for our lives, to free us up to live meaningfully and creatively, in africa, in new york, in our families, in our jobs. piece of cake! haha.
... something to work on.
as an upper-middle-class college grad from a good school with an engineering degree and a corporate job, i felt a continuing structure imposed socially. i worked hard at the office. i went out to bars for happy hours and football games with coworkers and friends. i went to the gym in the morning. i ordered thai food and watched tv with my roommates. i went out on dates. etc. and it was fun! and the structure was helpful, again, for propelling me in that life/career path.
but now, i've decided i want my life to be about movement and creativity and growth and gratitude. so if i'm looking at that big picture, the old structure doesn't necessarily get me there. the 18-years-old-fresh-face-in-NYC-auditioning-daily structure doesn't really apply to me, either. or even the 25-years-old-starving-artist-waiting-tables structure. and secretly i think none of us actually fit into a structure. we have to choose the parts of it that are helpful and throw out the rest.
i have a very dear friend who's currently in africa for the peace corps, and she's the one who illuminated this idea of structure for me when she said that life right now is about creating a structure for oneself instead of relying on the structure imposed socially and culturally by the well-meaning society.
there are little examples of creating one's own structure every day. for example: i'm feeling stressed, so i write a to-do list. this is structure. then i don't have to think about anything, i just work my way through my list. working within a structure that i set up allows freedom from stress and "keeping it all together." for a second example: i'm in a choreography class, and the professor gives us some wacky assignment about movement. i'm not worried about creating something artistic or my style as an artist, i just do my "assignment." and voila, i come up with something more creative than i ever would have thought of if you just locked me in a dance studio. by inserting myself as subject to the structure, i allow freedom for creative movement.
our work now, then, is to create a big-picture "structure" for our lives, to free us up to live meaningfully and creatively, in africa, in new york, in our families, in our jobs. piece of cake! haha.
... something to work on.
August 29, 2011
new undertakings.
i've been extremely blessed to work in an environment that takes goal-setting very seriously... (we are literally "goal-coached" regularly, and that term is extremely normal at work. pretty powerful) and one of the most important things i've been dwelling on lately is how crucial it is to be clear and specific about your goals, write them down, and share them.
a little history. in september 2009, i took a scrap piece of paper out of my notebook one night and i wrote the following:
by january 2010: present dance pieces in 3 different venues.
by april 2010: come up with new choreographic idea.
by september 2010: quit this job.
i stuck that paper inside a journal of mine and i'm not sure how long it was before i forgot about it, but i definitely did.
fast-forward to june 2010. i was flipping through some stuff and a piece of paper fluttered out. it was that little scrap with those deadlines on it (bet you didn't see that coming). i had completely forgotten that i had even written it. but upon further thought, i realized my success rate was pretty incredible.
by january 2010: present dance pieces in 3 different venues. i had work in Dance Chicago in November of 2009, and Northwestern University put up my first show on campus in December 2009. so that's two out of three.
by april 2010: come up with new choreographic idea. january brought with it my first choreography resolution, so that's 31 new ideas. and i had just started rehearsals for my at-that-point-unnamed project that would become The Way We Danced 'Til Three. so that was kinda thirty-two out of one.
by september 2010: quit this job. i had just days before started my leave of absence from Accenture.
that felt pretty powerful. not a bad track record. as you might imagine, i've been making a point to physically write down some goals and dreams regularly!
here's my latest. until now, i've fronted money from my savings account to self-produce my work, but i can't really afford to do that anymore, so my latest goal is to actually get FUNDED to put up TWWDTT here in NYC.
the best part about that is that then the ticket sales from this show, instead of reimbursing me for the expenses, can go towards the next production. and then hopefully i'll keep this cycle going!
here it is. i just launched my kickstarter campaign, and you can see it here! at least you can see what i'm up to!
on another note... survived Hurricane Irene, and my part of Brooklyn was fortunately spared! grateful for all of it!
a little history. in september 2009, i took a scrap piece of paper out of my notebook one night and i wrote the following:
by january 2010: present dance pieces in 3 different venues.
by april 2010: come up with new choreographic idea.
by september 2010: quit this job.
i stuck that paper inside a journal of mine and i'm not sure how long it was before i forgot about it, but i definitely did.
fast-forward to june 2010. i was flipping through some stuff and a piece of paper fluttered out. it was that little scrap with those deadlines on it (bet you didn't see that coming). i had completely forgotten that i had even written it. but upon further thought, i realized my success rate was pretty incredible.
by january 2010: present dance pieces in 3 different venues. i had work in Dance Chicago in November of 2009, and Northwestern University put up my first show on campus in December 2009. so that's two out of three.
by april 2010: come up with new choreographic idea. january brought with it my first choreography resolution, so that's 31 new ideas. and i had just started rehearsals for my at-that-point-unnamed project that would become The Way We Danced 'Til Three. so that was kinda thirty-two out of one.
by september 2010: quit this job. i had just days before started my leave of absence from Accenture.
that felt pretty powerful. not a bad track record. as you might imagine, i've been making a point to physically write down some goals and dreams regularly!
here's my latest. until now, i've fronted money from my savings account to self-produce my work, but i can't really afford to do that anymore, so my latest goal is to actually get FUNDED to put up TWWDTT here in NYC.
the best part about that is that then the ticket sales from this show, instead of reimbursing me for the expenses, can go towards the next production. and then hopefully i'll keep this cycle going!
here it is. i just launched my kickstarter campaign, and you can see it here! at least you can see what i'm up to!
on another note... survived Hurricane Irene, and my part of Brooklyn was fortunately spared! grateful for all of it!
July 12, 2011
living clichés
While gearing up for the Boston fireworks last weekend, I heard Martina McBride sing:
"This is for all you girls about twenty-five
In a little apartment, just trying to get by
Living on, on dreams and spaghetti-o's"
And Sara Bareilles popped up on my iTunes this week, singing:
"I'm gonna quit my job and move to New York"
And here I am, scraping by in an apartment in Brooklyn, practicing yoga, cleaning dance studios for classes, and making my own kale chips. It's kind of strange to suddenly find myself living a kind of life that people mention in songs (?!) Sometimes I feel like a giant walking cliché.
But then-- don't fit me perfectly into the mold. (Enter geeky Harry Potter obsession, engineering degree, love of pretty makeup, lack of enthusiasm for most indie films.) Just a nice reminder that all the "cliches" I see walking around this city are probably just as one-sided as I am.
"This is for all you girls about twenty-five
In a little apartment, just trying to get by
Living on, on dreams and spaghetti-o's"
And Sara Bareilles popped up on my iTunes this week, singing:
"I'm gonna quit my job and move to New York"
And here I am, scraping by in an apartment in Brooklyn, practicing yoga, cleaning dance studios for classes, and making my own kale chips. It's kind of strange to suddenly find myself living a kind of life that people mention in songs (?!) Sometimes I feel like a giant walking cliché.
But then-- don't fit me perfectly into the mold. (Enter geeky Harry Potter obsession, engineering degree, love of pretty makeup, lack of enthusiasm for most indie films.) Just a nice reminder that all the "cliches" I see walking around this city are probably just as one-sided as I am.
June 20, 2011
reflections on one year of full-time creativity
it has been just over a year since i began my leave of absence and started doing this artistic thing full-time. and what a year it has been! life as an artist has presented an interesting host of challenges, and while i by no means have it figured out (just ask my savings account...) i have stumbled upon some encouraging bits of wisdom from others. you know that mindlessly anxious / lazy / jittery / tired / forgettingsomething / i'vebeenwaitinginlinetoolong feeling? no? uh let's trade lives. yes? then you know what i'm getting at here, and it's what author Steven Pressfield calls Resistance. he looks at living a creative life as a battle. in a dramatic way, he says
"The artist ... has to know how to be miserable. He has to love being miserable. He has to take pride in being more miserable than any soldier or swabbie or jet jockey. Because this is war, baby. And war is hell."
but it's kind of true, you know? I look at the obvious, boring, stereotypical things that i worry about on a day-to-day basis (how much money am i making? will auditions ever go well? am i working hard enough? is anyone ever going to WANT to pay money to see stuff that i create? do i look stupid? does this outfit look crazy?) and i think you have to get to a point where you're just so tired of hearing it, in your head, every day, and you just have to "do" it anyway. life, i mean. i also get paralyzed with anxiety (aka fear) over some of the slightly-less-stereotypical issues my life choices are presenting. (and i do only mean slightly. clearly i'm not struck by plights that the rest of humanity isn't also dealing with. stick with me, i'm still in my 20s, i'm not that mature yet.) such as: would i be making more of an impact on the world if i were doing something else? am i too hard on myself? do i push myself far enough? where's that line? could i be more inspiring to the people around me if i were xyz? is this really what my life's work should be? yikes.
which is why i feel really encouraged when he writes
"Self-doubt can be an ally. This is because it serves as an indicator of aspiration. It reflects love, love of something we dream of doing, and desire, desire to do it. If you find yourself asking yourself (and your friends), "Am I really a writer? Am I really an artist?" chances are you are.
The counterfeit innovator is wildly self-confident. The real one is scared to death."
okay. so the fear is apparently a good thing. and i'm going for it anyway. it's not a matter of feeling supremely confident. or stopping the endless questions in my head. it's about not really listening and just focusing on the task at hand: creating. and i'm learning that when i rearrange my thinking and decide to just go with this creative path, it kind of breaks down and i actually get to be flooded with...
gratitude.
and that's WAY nicer. i just get to feel unbelievably grateful for the city i'm in, the friendly guy in the deli on the corner, my amazingly talented and fun siblings, my friends who still somehow love me even though i'm bad at calling them, this healthy 25-year-old body that is imperfect and wonderfully useful.
so here's to year two of being a professional artist, full of fear, full of gratitude, workin' it out anyway. who's with me?!
"The artist ... has to know how to be miserable. He has to love being miserable. He has to take pride in being more miserable than any soldier or swabbie or jet jockey. Because this is war, baby. And war is hell."
but it's kind of true, you know? I look at the obvious, boring, stereotypical things that i worry about on a day-to-day basis (how much money am i making? will auditions ever go well? am i working hard enough? is anyone ever going to WANT to pay money to see stuff that i create? do i look stupid? does this outfit look crazy?) and i think you have to get to a point where you're just so tired of hearing it, in your head, every day, and you just have to "do" it anyway. life, i mean. i also get paralyzed with anxiety (aka fear) over some of the slightly-less-stereotypical issues my life choices are presenting. (and i do only mean slightly. clearly i'm not struck by plights that the rest of humanity isn't also dealing with. stick with me, i'm still in my 20s, i'm not that mature yet.) such as: would i be making more of an impact on the world if i were doing something else? am i too hard on myself? do i push myself far enough? where's that line? could i be more inspiring to the people around me if i were xyz? is this really what my life's work should be? yikes.
which is why i feel really encouraged when he writes
"Self-doubt can be an ally. This is because it serves as an indicator of aspiration. It reflects love, love of something we dream of doing, and desire, desire to do it. If you find yourself asking yourself (and your friends), "Am I really a writer? Am I really an artist?" chances are you are.
The counterfeit innovator is wildly self-confident. The real one is scared to death."
okay. so the fear is apparently a good thing. and i'm going for it anyway. it's not a matter of feeling supremely confident. or stopping the endless questions in my head. it's about not really listening and just focusing on the task at hand: creating. and i'm learning that when i rearrange my thinking and decide to just go with this creative path, it kind of breaks down and i actually get to be flooded with...
gratitude.
and that's WAY nicer. i just get to feel unbelievably grateful for the city i'm in, the friendly guy in the deli on the corner, my amazingly talented and fun siblings, my friends who still somehow love me even though i'm bad at calling them, this healthy 25-year-old body that is imperfect and wonderfully useful.
so here's to year two of being a professional artist, full of fear, full of gratitude, workin' it out anyway. who's with me?!
more transitions.
(moved from jaemajoydance.com on june 20th)
march 24th, 2011
well well! it's been awhile. and i have some updates!
as i put all over facebook, i presented an excerpt of "The Way We Danced 'Til Three" at Dance New Amsterdam in january for their "works in progress" showing series. it was a lot of fun, it felt wonderful to get some rehearsal going (props to the ever lovely nicole west and michala stock for learning the dance in... oh... three rehearsals), and it was sneakily videotaped for me and you can find it right here!
also in january, i was lucky enough to perform work of the talented and wonderful jenny shore butler. it was a fun and rewarding process, an amazing opportunity to dance with some old friends (and new ones!), and i'm proud of what we created!
and finally, as mentioned below, i've been working on my 50 days of choreography for 2011. yes, geeks, it's true, there have been way more than 50 days in 2011 so far. i haven't quiiiiiite done it every day. but i'm pushing through to 50! and i've been playing with interesting constraints. last year, i did most of my work in the studio of my gym, which had wood floors, mirrors, normal dance studio-y stuff. this year, the fitness center in my building has been the site of most of my creation, but the floors are recycled rubber nonsense (aka, sticky as maple syrup that dribbled on your counter) so i've been not only working around that, but taking advantage of other less dance-designed spaces to get a little movement out! i get weird looks everywhere. sometimes i stop and say to myself "this is why people think new yorkers are crazy." i'm clearly reveling in the sweet anonymity of this city. see a little highlight reel of what i've done so far under choreography.
that's it for now. hopefully much more news soon - i submitted a bunch of applications this week for spring and summer fun, both excerpts of old work and proposals for a BRAND NEW work that my brain is stewing on... (yikes!) cross your fingers and i'll keep you posted!
december 29th, 2010 - news and reflections
the blizzard that knocked out all of NYC has had an unexpectedly lovely side effect: i am stuck at home in michigan until new year's eve!
what does that mean?
it is time to dwell on a new year's resolution for 2011. for the past few years, i have done a "january resolution," with the thought that devoting myself to something for a month will influence my mindset for the year to follow. after all, as aristotle said:
"we are what we repeatedly do. excellence, therefore, is not an act, but a habit."
last year i did 31 days of choreography. it was an exercise. i decided to CREATE with no express purpose, no specific goal other than to just get it out there. miraculously, some of it was usable, and it ended up feeding a lot of the work i did for "The Way We Danced 'Til Three." (see what i mean.)
without even concentrating on it, i really think it did affect my mindset for an entire year.
i've had some time to reflect on that, and a huge theme of 2010 for me is just how powerful it is to develop creativity as a habit. a little over a year ago, a good friend turned me on to a TED talk by elizabeth gilbert. (consider listening. it's really good.)
she talks about how in ancient greece and rome, the idea was that creativity did not come from human beings. there were these divine spirits, these "geniuses," who were attendant spirits to us mere humans walking the earth. they could, at any time, work through the human beings they attended to create extraordinary work. but it was the spirit that was the "genius," not the human. and how to get the genius to come through in your work? well, there's nothing to do but show up and get working. if you don't work, the genius has no chance to descend upon you and make something brilliant with you. so you just gotta show up.
so the goal, ultimately, is to make creative work-- creativity--a habit. a day-in, day-out activity that i don't think about, i don't judge, i don't dread, i don't carve out special time for... i just DO.
so 2011. i've done 31 days... let's make it 50!
elizabeth gilbert also talks a bit about fear as a response to devoting one's life to creative pursuits. i've felt that firsthand this year. when i started working for accenture and dove into that life, no one asked me if i was worried about that, or afraid of doing that as a CAREER. but choreography? of course! everyone is wondering about whether or not this is a good idea, and jaema aren't you worried about that, and jaema do you have some backup ideas? is that going to be a CAREER?
i sure hope so! and i mean sure. there's not *quite* as much financial security in choreography as there is in supply chain consulting. but i'm still the same person, with the same education, the same strenghts, the same skills... and maybe more determination.
other than reflecting, what else have i been doing?
uploading video, of course! there's gorgeous video footage of "The Way We Danced 'Til Three up and ready for action. i rearranged the site a little bit, too, and there are some other little goodies posted along the way (including an updated resume! download and send to all your well-connected friends from the bio page! haha).
that's all for now, friends. browse and enjoy and let me know what you think! and most of all.... HAPPY NEW YEAR to all of you and yours.
march 24th, 2011
well well! it's been awhile. and i have some updates!
as i put all over facebook, i presented an excerpt of "The Way We Danced 'Til Three" at Dance New Amsterdam in january for their "works in progress" showing series. it was a lot of fun, it felt wonderful to get some rehearsal going (props to the ever lovely nicole west and michala stock for learning the dance in... oh... three rehearsals), and it was sneakily videotaped for me and you can find it right here!
also in january, i was lucky enough to perform work of the talented and wonderful jenny shore butler. it was a fun and rewarding process, an amazing opportunity to dance with some old friends (and new ones!), and i'm proud of what we created!
and finally, as mentioned below, i've been working on my 50 days of choreography for 2011. yes, geeks, it's true, there have been way more than 50 days in 2011 so far. i haven't quiiiiiite done it every day. but i'm pushing through to 50! and i've been playing with interesting constraints. last year, i did most of my work in the studio of my gym, which had wood floors, mirrors, normal dance studio-y stuff. this year, the fitness center in my building has been the site of most of my creation, but the floors are recycled rubber nonsense (aka, sticky as maple syrup that dribbled on your counter) so i've been not only working around that, but taking advantage of other less dance-designed spaces to get a little movement out! i get weird looks everywhere. sometimes i stop and say to myself "this is why people think new yorkers are crazy." i'm clearly reveling in the sweet anonymity of this city. see a little highlight reel of what i've done so far under choreography.
that's it for now. hopefully much more news soon - i submitted a bunch of applications this week for spring and summer fun, both excerpts of old work and proposals for a BRAND NEW work that my brain is stewing on... (yikes!) cross your fingers and i'll keep you posted!
december 29th, 2010 - news and reflections
the blizzard that knocked out all of NYC has had an unexpectedly lovely side effect: i am stuck at home in michigan until new year's eve!
what does that mean?
it is time to dwell on a new year's resolution for 2011. for the past few years, i have done a "january resolution," with the thought that devoting myself to something for a month will influence my mindset for the year to follow. after all, as aristotle said:
"we are what we repeatedly do. excellence, therefore, is not an act, but a habit."
last year i did 31 days of choreography. it was an exercise. i decided to CREATE with no express purpose, no specific goal other than to just get it out there. miraculously, some of it was usable, and it ended up feeding a lot of the work i did for "The Way We Danced 'Til Three." (see what i mean.)
without even concentrating on it, i really think it did affect my mindset for an entire year.
i've had some time to reflect on that, and a huge theme of 2010 for me is just how powerful it is to develop creativity as a habit. a little over a year ago, a good friend turned me on to a TED talk by elizabeth gilbert. (consider listening. it's really good.)
she talks about how in ancient greece and rome, the idea was that creativity did not come from human beings. there were these divine spirits, these "geniuses," who were attendant spirits to us mere humans walking the earth. they could, at any time, work through the human beings they attended to create extraordinary work. but it was the spirit that was the "genius," not the human. and how to get the genius to come through in your work? well, there's nothing to do but show up and get working. if you don't work, the genius has no chance to descend upon you and make something brilliant with you. so you just gotta show up.
so the goal, ultimately, is to make creative work-- creativity--a habit. a day-in, day-out activity that i don't think about, i don't judge, i don't dread, i don't carve out special time for... i just DO.
so 2011. i've done 31 days... let's make it 50!
elizabeth gilbert also talks a bit about fear as a response to devoting one's life to creative pursuits. i've felt that firsthand this year. when i started working for accenture and dove into that life, no one asked me if i was worried about that, or afraid of doing that as a CAREER. but choreography? of course! everyone is wondering about whether or not this is a good idea, and jaema aren't you worried about that, and jaema do you have some backup ideas? is that going to be a CAREER?
i sure hope so! and i mean sure. there's not *quite* as much financial security in choreography as there is in supply chain consulting. but i'm still the same person, with the same education, the same strenghts, the same skills... and maybe more determination.
other than reflecting, what else have i been doing?
uploading video, of course! there's gorgeous video footage of "The Way We Danced 'Til Three up and ready for action. i rearranged the site a little bit, too, and there are some other little goodies posted along the way (including an updated resume! download and send to all your well-connected friends from the bio page! haha).
that's all for now, friends. browse and enjoy and let me know what you think! and most of all.... HAPPY NEW YEAR to all of you and yours.
transitions.
i'm moving my website material over to an actual "blog" format. makes it easier to work with, you pretty people can comment on stuff, etc. so for now, here's some old news from jaemajoydance.com
november 15th, 2010
HEADLINE: first presentation of choreography by jaema joy berry in the Big Apple. it's official! saturday, january 29th, 2011, at Dance New Amsterdam, as part of their "Works in Progress" series.
the performance will be an excerpt of "The Way We Danced 'Til Three," called "Though They Take You." i'm excited to hone in on a little chunk of the show and get into rehearsal again! more information to come as we get closer to january!
also upcoming: video from "'Til Three" will be up soon - stay tuned!
september 14, 2010 - Announcements!
well well! finally i have a few moments to breathe and a few moments to update.
first:
"The Way We Danced 'Til Three" was a WONDERFUL experience and a big success-- so much love to the wonderful people working on the show, the audience members, my family, etc etc etc etc.
much more information on the show to come, but in the meantime, here are a few photos from Garen Checkley, a TimeOut feature article, and a SeeChicagoDance feature article.
video clips of the show and more pictures, etc, will be coming in the next couple of weeks. hard to believe we closed a month ago!
second:
lots of personal stuff happening in that month, too. the biggest news being:
i no longer live in chicago.
that's right. as much as i adore the windy city, the dance scene there, the wonderful people that live there, and the midwest in general, i've packed up and i'm headed to new york city.
sooooo what does that mean, exactly? first off, it means a shift in focus away from full-length choreography, at least until i get settled. and financially squared away. (ha.) it also means that when i rework TWWDTT (and that's the plan!) it will be for an entirely new audience, with entirely new dancers (although let's be real, if i could fly my old cast to nyc to do the show with me i would do it in a heartbeat.) it also means (and get excited... cheryl, allison, this is for you) that i'm working on turning my news page here into something a little more "bloggish" so that i can keep everyone updated. cheryl tells me there are ways to do this in a much more sophisticated way and link it to the almighty facebook, etc, but despite my engineering degree i'm a little old-fashioned when it comes to the blogosphere, so for right now, this is it. and i'll put a link on facebook which is probably how you all came here to read it anyway.
right now, though, right this minute, i'm in my childhood home in traverse city, MI, because moving to nyc is proving to be more complicated than previously imagined. apparently my lovely new building in brooklyn hasn't gotten cleared with the Dept of Buildings, so they're stringing me and my roommates along as we wait to actually get IN the building. feeling lucky to be able to hang out with my parents and dance at Dance Arts and soak in a little lake michigan before i go... but i'm kinda chompin' at the bit here. you know?
more more more to come.
july 29, 2010
it's almost here! we had a visit during rehearsal yesterday from Zac Whittenburg, dance editor for TimeOut Chicago. keep your eyes peeled for our listing in the magazine!
we also have a Facebook event... invite your friends!
july 20, 2010
"The Way We Danced 'Til Three" opens in three weeks! we could not be more excited. keep checking in for information, press, and artwork for the show. it will all be HERE!
june 3, 2010
hello friends! a couple of updates:
- "The Way We Danced Til Three" is officially opening at the Fasseas White Box Theatre at the Drucker Center on August 13, 2010! More information to come.
- Rehearsals for said production began on Sunday, May 23rd. The dancers are looking fantastic and everyone is getting excited about the show. Huge thanks to Visceral Dance Center and Skyline Dance for opening their doors to us for rehearsals!
- In personal news, I have officially taken a leave of absence from my position as a supply chain consultant. It's all dancing, all the time for me now! I could not be happier.
- See some production photos and promotional material from "You Can't Dance Out the Side of Your Mouth" here. Check back for an upcoming choreography reel, new photos, and a sneak peek of some new material for the show. Lots is on the docket!
february 26, 2010
well, here it is! my very own website!
I also have my very own facebook fan page. be a fan!
i still have exciting things to add, so stay tuned. but for the moment, click around and enjoy. and feel free to let me know what you think!
november 15th, 2010
HEADLINE: first presentation of choreography by jaema joy berry in the Big Apple. it's official! saturday, january 29th, 2011, at Dance New Amsterdam, as part of their "Works in Progress" series.
the performance will be an excerpt of "The Way We Danced 'Til Three," called "Though They Take You." i'm excited to hone in on a little chunk of the show and get into rehearsal again! more information to come as we get closer to january!
also upcoming: video from "'Til Three" will be up soon - stay tuned!
september 14, 2010 - Announcements!
well well! finally i have a few moments to breathe and a few moments to update.
first:
"The Way We Danced 'Til Three" was a WONDERFUL experience and a big success-- so much love to the wonderful people working on the show, the audience members, my family, etc etc etc etc.
much more information on the show to come, but in the meantime, here are a few photos from Garen Checkley, a TimeOut feature article, and a SeeChicagoDance feature article.
video clips of the show and more pictures, etc, will be coming in the next couple of weeks. hard to believe we closed a month ago!
second:
lots of personal stuff happening in that month, too. the biggest news being:
i no longer live in chicago.
that's right. as much as i adore the windy city, the dance scene there, the wonderful people that live there, and the midwest in general, i've packed up and i'm headed to new york city.
sooooo what does that mean, exactly? first off, it means a shift in focus away from full-length choreography, at least until i get settled. and financially squared away. (ha.) it also means that when i rework TWWDTT (and that's the plan!) it will be for an entirely new audience, with entirely new dancers (although let's be real, if i could fly my old cast to nyc to do the show with me i would do it in a heartbeat.) it also means (and get excited... cheryl, allison, this is for you) that i'm working on turning my news page here into something a little more "bloggish" so that i can keep everyone updated. cheryl tells me there are ways to do this in a much more sophisticated way and link it to the almighty facebook, etc, but despite my engineering degree i'm a little old-fashioned when it comes to the blogosphere, so for right now, this is it. and i'll put a link on facebook which is probably how you all came here to read it anyway.
right now, though, right this minute, i'm in my childhood home in traverse city, MI, because moving to nyc is proving to be more complicated than previously imagined. apparently my lovely new building in brooklyn hasn't gotten cleared with the Dept of Buildings, so they're stringing me and my roommates along as we wait to actually get IN the building. feeling lucky to be able to hang out with my parents and dance at Dance Arts and soak in a little lake michigan before i go... but i'm kinda chompin' at the bit here. you know?
more more more to come.
july 29, 2010
it's almost here! we had a visit during rehearsal yesterday from Zac Whittenburg, dance editor for TimeOut Chicago. keep your eyes peeled for our listing in the magazine!
we also have a Facebook event... invite your friends!
july 20, 2010
"The Way We Danced 'Til Three" opens in three weeks! we could not be more excited. keep checking in for information, press, and artwork for the show. it will all be HERE!
june 3, 2010
hello friends! a couple of updates:
- "The Way We Danced Til Three" is officially opening at the Fasseas White Box Theatre at the Drucker Center on August 13, 2010! More information to come.
- Rehearsals for said production began on Sunday, May 23rd. The dancers are looking fantastic and everyone is getting excited about the show. Huge thanks to Visceral Dance Center and Skyline Dance for opening their doors to us for rehearsals!
- In personal news, I have officially taken a leave of absence from my position as a supply chain consultant. It's all dancing, all the time for me now! I could not be happier.
- See some production photos and promotional material from "You Can't Dance Out the Side of Your Mouth" here. Check back for an upcoming choreography reel, new photos, and a sneak peek of some new material for the show. Lots is on the docket!
february 26, 2010
well, here it is! my very own website!
I also have my very own facebook fan page. be a fan!
i still have exciting things to add, so stay tuned. but for the moment, click around and enjoy. and feel free to let me know what you think!
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